2006-12-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

Woah. It's still here! hm.....
*thinks about reviving this blog*
...
maybe later.

2006-06-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

"DEADS"

2005-12-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

Outdoor war fun.

I dont really know why i feel so damn great.
My nails are dirty and dry, my face is irate, my hair needs cutting, my left ankle is swollen, my Sayart-something nerve is bruised, and i didnt really accomplish a lot today.

Funny i guess how the condition of the day can affect you -especially if youre experiencing it first hand.
Today was almost PERFECT. The sun was shining bright, the clouds offered perfect dim, and the WIND. oh, man the WIND.
Actually, i've been pretty emotional for the past week. -in a good way. i couldnt explain it, but i feel happy as hell and nothing could really change my mood.

Must have started with one thing. vacation. the thought of having time. TIME to spend as you like. Its such a valuable thing that ive taken for granted all too well before.
By the time i had the chance to get off from the ride home, i felt like a cursed kadaver thats been granted life again.

Appreciating all that the senses could muster for each second and feeling even better because of it.

True, time flies when youre having fun. But damn, if by accmumulated fun, you get this much emotional high for the price of a loss of the track of time, then screw it.

What exactly did i do that made me so damn happy? Nothing. Well, to be a little more specific, NOTHING SPECIAL.
There'd be too much personal reactions so i wont be giving anything specific.
Aww, did i spoil the climax? Heheh. Then i'll tells yah.
I've been LIVING.

I can say that since im doing things on my own, thinking for myself and im not restricted by time constraints, senseless morals, ignorant superiors and im not under any form of conformity.

Today i spent my time playing airsoft wargames with friends. Usually, there'd be a lot of little things that kept the mood a bit stressful and not really that enjoyable like the weather would be really hot then during the game, it'd start to rain. Then theres the shortage of ammunition raising tempers as some would get more than their share. New people are another thing. You dont instantly feel comfortable with new people around especially if they almost outnumber you. Other things would probably be the temperamental guns and the imbalance of the firepower between the usual teams -and the style of how each member plays.

Today was great. Everyone seemed pretty ready for the day, calmly arriving one by one and flowing pretty well inside a small room. Everyones a friend and there'd be no little thing that could make the most sensitive person's eyebrow twitch a measly bit.

Although there were still some temperamental guns. I guess that part people got used to.
We got to the game site without anybody reserving anything for themselves. No doubt that the weather would be friendly as there was very little clouds and although the sun was shining bright, there were pretty strong christmas winds out.

We all sat down and prepared the things while the others layed out the drinks. The scene was picnicky and with the site pretty secluded noone could care less about the world.

The game went on smoothly and lightly since noone was much in the mood for a usual game in the grass where the environment was pretty stressful. It was at first but then the following games were played in skirmish with the empty street and grassy sidewalks used.

Typical adrenaline rush, but now its lighter since theres no competition between friends and everyones a sport.
I guess its another version of frolicking in the park with friends or playing street games when you were a kid.

A deeper sense of appreciation though, i guess lead to my noticing the weather today.
Even if youre desperately trying not to get shot and lose a game, nothing beats comfortably resting against grass, sun on your face, wind in your hair (yes, you can feel it through the mask) and being surrounded by friends in a time when you couldnt care less about the world.

for images click here

2005-12-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Fillin' the blank.

A lot of interesting things actually happened to me while i was gone.
I wanted to post about a lot of things like the people i 'meet' during the commute, continuation of my ipod story, places i went to, things i've learned, different images from my phone... etc.
Well, its 00:20 of the 23rd of december and im feeling great enough to at least try and write what i can.
I'd like to start in chronological order, but i shouldnt really pass out on this one while im still in the spurr of the moment.

-next post, please.

2005-12-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

b.a.k.

"well, well, look who decided to blog again."
Heheh. i guess i owe some more people an appology for wasting even more of their time for going to my blog and not getting anything new at least.

Sorry.

Initially i was so busy with school and i was failing and getting used to catching up. i was at the point where all my spare time would be spent sleeping or resting rather than doing homework or something productive. This was so because im a crammer and i always save things for the last second before i do it. Wasnt worth it. i failed a couple of subjects and couldnt enroll for a few more since the ones i failed were prerequisites for other subjects. Just like that, i earned myself another year in school before i graduate.

When i didnt have time constrains though, i still didnt blog. This i guess was a since i didnt really have a need to do so. It was already some time since i stopped and i didnt think whats left of the people who DID check my blog would mind that i spend my time doing something else.

That aside, i hope i can post some of my experiences from the time i was gone. I really should've written it down. its so much more easy to post when youre still feeling the spurr of the moment.

i hope i can get to write them down properly and at least entertain a couple of people.

-update-
ooh, i forgot, my computer broke down, too. expect a post on that one.

2005-12-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

WOOHOO. ITS BEEN A WHILE.

2005-09-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

Turbo.

*picks one pending post*

Ah, yes, this one.. never did thought of how to write this formally..

Whatever.

My video card broke down some time ago. Turns out its fan broke down without my knowing. (ofcourse you wont notice until you see the performance change or actually stare at the thing)

I noticed it only when I played games and it constantly made strange lines on the screen and eventually hung just five minutes into the game.

So I replaced the fan (which was expensive, bytheway) and continued playing only to find out that it wasn’t working well even with the new fan.

I tried everything. I tried lube, cleaning, aligning, but nothing worked. Even with the new fan the videocard was still producing enough heat to deter most hands.

Troubled, I brought out the big guns and took my mom’s desk fan ( a gift from the Christmas seasons), removed all my computer’s panels and played away.

But that didn’t stop the heat from threatening the life of my videocard even when I was just checking my mail. And the fan was troublesome, constantly getting in the way of my seating, hearing and something in the back of my head.

I have no idea what I was thinking, but in one night I had made an air duct out of paper and masking tape. Yes, not the best material for something to put inside your computer, but it was the most available thing and I’m too lazy to go to some shop and get/make a fiberglass version. Besides, it was in a particularly open area of the pc with the least amount of things that can combust.

Its nothing great, in fact, it looks like a piece of trash wedged under my videocard.

But it does the job well.

What it does is since I found out that the fan of the video card took in air from the sides of the heat sink and then forced it away through the center of the fan, I stuck one end of the air duct right there on the outlet hole and as smoothly as I could, bend it towards the rear of my pc, taking into consideration the increasing size.

Why would it have increasing size? For one thing, so I can stick it to an 80mm fan waiting at the end of the casing.

This has its own power, so what happens is that it sucks the air directly from the videocard and blows it out. As the air duct is partially air tight, the spin of the 80mm fan creates a vacuum which requires air from the other end, the videocard fan.

This then makes the videocard fan spin way faster than usual.

Hm… let me try this.

Since at a certain rpm the vidcard fan produces x amounts of exhaust pressure at normal ambient pressure and normal friction, creating a vacuum will take away ambient pressure and create negative pressure…

(lets see… I know this in my head, I just cant put it into words…)

Now the vidcard fan, having power of its own, can be considered frictionless.

Then uh… creating more vacuum than the vcfan can fill up will force it to make air flow through it’s blades and spin it faster.

But since at a certain rpm the vcfan produces x amounts of pressure at normal ambient pressure, forcibly making negative pressure will make the vcfan spin at a higher rpm, increasing output by raising x accordingly and efficiently since there is no longer ambient pressure, more power (power of the 80mm fan) and a fan with less froction.

Didn’t get it? Me neither.

I suck at explaining. Just take my word for it, the system works and theres a plus factor somewhere in there. Sort of how a turbo works.

Don’t know how it works? “Google is your friend”.

Search “how a turbo works” or “mechanical spooling” or something.

…

*looks around scratching head*

…

Look, I have pictures!

So as you can see here, The air, indicated by the red arrows, get sucked in through the videocard's heatsink by the videocard's fan which is then blown out into the air duct where all the air inside is being sucked out by another fan at the rear area of the computer casing.
simple enough. ... i really have to make a better version. this one looks a lot like trash.

2005-09-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

Inital D!
(for those wondering why im such a car fan but never writes anything about cars)

Oh, yeah!
This month, Animax will start showing Initial D the animated series.

Initial D is an anime about the travels of one Takumi Fujiwara, a japanese kid who was fortunate enough to have been taught by his father to drive when he was only 11 years old.

Although, to him, it wasn't considered fun since the purpose of teaching him to drive was for him to take his father's work of delivering tofu from their shop to a hotel atop Mt. Akina.

Initially waking up at 4a.m., making the delivery and getting home just in time to prepare for school, 7 years of this back and forth work has enabled him to memorize the road as well as his car and figure out a faster driving style (drifting; the 'D' in "Initial D") so he can consequently get more sleep.

He's not a fan of cars, nor does he understand its mechanics or why people are so crazy about it.
To him, driving is just work and a means to get somewhere.
His friends ignorant of his work and basing his litteracy on this fact, go around treating him as if he was ignorant about driving.

When a nearby racing team, the Akagi Red Suns, lead by Ryosuke (Driving anRX-7FC) and Keisuke (RX-7FD3s) Takahashi, take interest in conquering the vicinity, they challenge the Akina Speedstars (the local racing team lead by a couple of Takumi's friends) in a "friendly" match, the Speedstars show their true potential which is, in fact, not much.
This makes team leader Ryosuke Takahashi uninterested and tells the other team members to simply practice.

Around 4 a.m. and practice is almost over. They go down the mountain and try racing against each other on the way down. Keisuke, second best in the team, pulls away from the others, but is caught on by an unfamiliar car.. A 1986 Toyota Corolla "Trueno" (AE86 body name.)

Agitated, Kesiuke turns up the speed and is surprised when he finds that he's not capable of pulling away. He finds himself braking for a tightened 'S' curve and is overtaken by the Corolla.
Thinking he knows better, he waits for the Corolla to lose control as it took the corner too fast.
He is then dumbstruck when the Corolla suddenly does a quick "Intertia" drift and leaves him in the dust.

Keisuke spins out from being shocked at the sight of such skillful driving and the fact that he lost to an old car, much weaker than his. He then swears to find out who exactly was that person who he then dubbed, "The Ghost of Akina"

After starting a wide ranged search, and triggering eyebrow raising rumors along the way, Takumi is discovered to be the one who had defeated Keisuke that night.
Takumi is then chalenged to a downhill race on his home course.

Takumi insists that he is not interested in racing and we would rather be left alone,
but when his father, Bunta (the best racer in his time; initially thought to have been the one driving the corolla that beat Keisuke) hears the news and finds out that Takumi needs the car for a date the following monday, finds a way to bribe Takumi into racing and getting a full tank of gas if he wins the race.

There is amazement as he shows his friends for the first time his driving skills, and takes the win against the now defaced Keisuke and his RX-7.
After this, he attracts more challenges and finds himself slowly turning into an enthusiastic street racer.

This is Initial D's story of a japanese boy's life and the world of mountain drifting.
Please, dont beleive the unanimated Initial D! movie.
While you're at it, dont trust anything Initial D aside from the animated series and the models. Thats where it started and thats the only area they thought of properly.
The arcade game sucks, the PC game sucks, the film was WAY out of line, and those who believe it is stupid.

Please, at least trust me on this one and dont go pretending you know everything about initial d when you've only watched the movie or just a few episodes.
-oh and dont go trying out these things unless you are supervised by real racers.
if you want to try it safely and be taught by seasoned professionals, try Slalom racing.
Its a pretty good entry level race and the rules make sure its a fair game.
In the mean time, don't do anything stupid, drive responsibly, treat your car right, and at least watch the entire Initial D series before you go around bragging you know what its all about.

2005-09-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

Flavalicious

So its not something new, I’m sure you'd have either tried it, or have read countless blogs with the same content.

Close-up has released a limited line of toothpaste with unique flavours. They’re called close-up "Flavalicious" and they come with a variety of flavours.

One in particular was "Choco Loco".

Now, when i heard it on the radio, I immediately asked, "can you believe these people? Choco loco? What the hell? That would make your gums hurt so bad..”

Friends agreed, it was a bad idea.

Wait for it, wait for iiit…

*BUT*

, as fate would have it, curiosity (and as the situation would tell) would get the better of me when I went to buy groceries with my mom, (there we go) and saw those little brown boxes of toothpaste.

“Mom, lets buy this!”

“What for?”

“Well, we don’t have toothpaste anyway and I don’t mind trying this out.”

“ O.K., but you’d better finish that off.”

“Oki.”

I went ahead and had a go at it the next morning and didn’t really have anything to say. It was particularly minty.

There was chocolate flavouring and a lot of mint in that speckled off white paste, mostly mint.

It doesn’t feel anything more than when you want to say, “ooh, I’m tying out a new product. Cool.”

Its more of a feeling of neutral satisfaction.

“its not great, but at least it does its job well.”

Few weeks go by and I start noticing the flavour changing.

Its similar to the Head and Shoulders’ menthol shampoo where you try it out and love the freezing/burning sensation on your head, but then your body gets used to it.

That time, was, I think the height of the product where I already know that it works

But now I’m finding more things about it.

It was weird wherein its something you can think about when your brain is still trying to adjust in the morning.

See, when the feeling of the mint has already done its part, you start getting a new input where you’re feeling and tasting this light, tasty, chocolaty froth in your mouth, and that just triggers more of your brain that doesn’t exactly know what to do.

It reminds me of this time when I was in a hotel gig thing, it was fine dining and I particularly liked the dessert. It was some sort of French chocolate cake. There was no bread, but the cake was made entirely of chocolate. Not purely, but it had different types. The inside was this moist, almost creamy, consistent light chocolaty fudge and the icing was an even lighter, almost powdery spread.

In fact, it was so light that the chocolate flavour was just enough. Just enough.

I don’t really know how they did it. They must have used an egg beater and run it at 30,000rpms or something.

All I know is that the cake was good and even though it was made out of chocolate, it was well made and really fine.

So I never really knew how to react when all of a sudden the mint is all gone and I’m tasting this memory inducing froth.

I’m going like,

“oh, man this tastes so good. “

“Wait, It tastes like food. I wonder if it was really meant for brushing teeth?”

“Eh, it works fine.”

“So why- what? but I shouldn’t be brushing my teeth with food. Especially not chocolate.”

“Its not chocolate.”

“But I want to eat it. It tastes like chocolate.”

“Dude, its toothpaste. You don’t eat toothpaste unless you’re below 12.”

“But its not toothpaste. It doesn’t taste like it. .. at least now it doesn’t”

Yes, I always had this mental argument with myself in the morning.

I guess that’s why they call it choco loco.

Its something you forget though, which is nice since you can always argue with yourself in the morning and not remember what happened the day before.

(Partially hoping for a different result.)

I never really went crazy enough to eat the paste.

I guess the chances of that happening are slimmer especially now that the tube ran out.

I can’t believe it. From a time where I closed my mind and labeled “bad idea” on it to missing it in just a short month and a half.

Now I’m back to my old tube of paste.

There’s the mint, there’s the fresh feeling, there’s the boring.

The people at close-up really deserve a good pat on the back they made at least one good product and gave it enough advertising to reinforce people to buy it and then made it so that they make it for a limited time so people will remember their products as fresh and nice and not something they got used and tired of.

(You just have to appreciate those things…

Hm… I wonder if those things have an expiration date…

Yes, yes, tomorrow is Sunday.

Tomorrow I will buy three tubes, one I will use, one I will use after that, and one I will devour while watching t.v. tomorrow.

*rubs hands together*)

2005-08-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

Uhuh, dash rayt.

(PART 2)
(part one from here: )Clicky(

So I was happy. I went home in a jeep, F.M. radio in my pocket without any threat of being robbed.

It seemed that the day was pretty much perfect. The early morning professors weren’t there and the class schedule only lasted a little past mid day.

It was such a change being able to go home with music in your ears.

Walking home, smiling, I also remembered what my dad told me.

"Hey, what time are you going home? Tell me when you're home so I can give you your birthday gift."

Yeah. I sent an early message to him saying that I’m walking home already.

When I got home, I sat down on the dining chair and sent an sms to my dad.

It was then I noticed the car sitting on the lawn.

“what’s the car doing in front of the dining area, mom never lets anyone park there. (It ruins the grass)

And then a thought hit me.

“oh, no, they’re going to give me the car?!”

“but- but.. I don’t want the car. Its too much responsibility. And this car is too beaten down. Hell, our old Kia Pride was in better condition. Awwww….”

SMS from dad: I’ll give you that present on one condition.

“that you’ll let me, mama, and mike borrow it. Agree?

Reply: … Ate can’t use it?

Thinking to myself: oh, no, it IS the car. My sister already used it so my dad didn’t count her in.

SMS from dad: she can use it, too. do you agree on the condition?

Reply: “ovcourze.”

*phone rings*

Me: “Pa?”

Dad: “Kev, where are you?”

Me: “I’m at the dining area” (actually I was near there. Still beside the car. = p )

Dad: “ok, climb up the stairs, go to our (parents’) room.”

Me: “ok.”

Dad: “where are you?”

Me: “climbing.”

Dad: “are you there yet?”

Me: “in front of your room”

Dad: “ok. Open the door”

Me: *opens door*

Dad: “opened?”

Me: “yep”

Dad: “go beside my bed, check behind the lamp”

Me: “ok, there’s a white plastic bag”

Dad: “pick it up.”

Me: *picks plastic up*

*sees apple logo*

“OHMYGOD.”

“open it”

Me: “OH NO.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

“OH, MAN.”

*picks up iPod*

“OOH, DANGIT.”

(I think I cussed a little.)

“OHMYGOD ITS AN IPOD”

*holds box on hand*

“OH, MAN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

Dad: “no, its yours.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”

“yeah!”

“AAAAAH. THANK YOOOO…”

Dad: “hey, can you do me a favour?”

Me: “HA? YES?”

Dad: “can you check if its an iPod Photo?”

Me: “? – OH SH- OH SHIT, IT’S AN IPOD PHOTO!! OH G-OH, MAN!

OH MAN, O MAN, O MAN.”

“THANK YOOO!!!”

I was so freaked out I don’t even remember how the phone call ended.

After that I immediately sms’d my sister, “OMG, ITS AN IPOD!”

At which point she called.

Me: “HEY!”

Me: “IT WAS YOU IDEA WASN’T IT?! WASN’T IT?!” OH, MAN.”

Sister: *laughter in the background*

“Congratulations, man!”

Me: “SO THIS IS WHY YOU TOLD ME MY F.M. RADIO WAS A PIECE OF CRAP.”

Sister: “I told you.”

“so what do you think of your f.m. radio now?”

Me: “ADMITTEDLY, IT’S A CHEAP PIECE OF CRAP.”

Sister: “hahah, told you”

Me: “Oh, man, this is so ironic.”

Sister: “that you bought an fm radio just before we gave you your ipod?”

Me: “yeah, so weird”

I also can’t remember how that conversation ended. I think the signal got crappy.

I DO remember though, sitting in the guest room, staring at the unopened box.

-and taking pictures of it before I opened it

With a rusty ex-acto knife.

I don’t think I’ve ever opened anything that carefully before. The cuts I made would have made – well, the person who packed it, happy. I cut it so it can almost be put back together and you don’t have to throw away the plastic.

Here’s the images, some of the last that the late great c651, god rest is mech soul, took.

Teh F.M. Radio

At this point im wondering if i should open it

This was what i saw when my dad asked me to check if it was an iPod photo or not.

At one inevitable point i opened it and just took it all in.

sorry for the quality. it says, "Don't Steal Music"

hm... HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....................

the chromed out rear end shows the mark of the iPod photo.

opened the first side. it had:

the earphones and muffs. Its almost smiling at you, isnt it? it also had the charger plug but either the image is missing or i didnt take a picture.

opened the other side

It had the data/charging cable and

the manual, which has this small sticker that says, "enjoy."

I stopped taking pictures when i thought of opening the manual and getting started already.
I know, wasnt such a good idea for someone trying to document something, but i was pretty freaked out. Seriously. Wouldnt you be?

I mean, after proving a lot of things i said in part one, i couldnt really say anything else, but:

YEAH! YEAH, BEYBEH! WHOOOOOOOOOO! ITS AN IPOD FUCKING PHOTO!! AND I HAVE IT! AHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update:

2005-08-17T04:07:00.000-07:00

Post to come?
(warning, long unformal adlib "poem")

Lots of pending posts waiting to be made,
I'll take a while to make them.
Hope you guys dont mind if theyre late,
Guys? What guys? Since when?

Jeez, its hard to be fake.
Getting myself into these things,
i cant chew all the things i ate.
Now im wishing i had wings.

To be of foul-like fate?
Maybe. To get away from responsibilities fit for kings.
Or so i dont have to chew before i swallow.
Then claw those idiots who go "BLING! BLING!"

I HATE those people who in their success wallow,
I dont know if its my restless state that makes me irritatingly keen
On these people who just seem so.. shallow.
I actually want to put an ex-acto knife in their spleen.

No, no, this isnt right, wheres this hostility coming from?
Hey, Brain, where've you been?
"I've been with group x, eating blocks of cheese and telling them to shut up since they are moron."
Oooh, damn, thats something fancy.. Hey. Hey, are you listening?

"No. But listen, i have to go"
Go where? youre supposed to keep my spine tingling.
"No"
"Just go uh... keep sleeping"

But i HAVE been sleeping. Its getting so I'll fail school because of you!
Work, damnit, you fucking weakling!
"Oh. Yeah. Whatever. Boo-hoo."
Argh. Why you.. So damn frustrating!

This should stop. Bad things stop, too.
"So what should we do, eh?"
Well, for one thing, not let life PWN J00.
"Right, right, and in return i'll get a stack of hey?"

No, idiot, we can finish in a year or two.
After that, you can be all thats gay.
"hm? hm.... mhm. mhmmmm.... What are we waiting for? Its almost twelve! Take that paper and act a fool!"
W- Wa- OKAY.

2005-08-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

No Phone.

Yesterday I lost my phone..

This sucks, I feel so bad.

The phone was lost, through a tear on a bag I’m using temporarily. whether or not that tear was made by a professional, or by a triangle, isn’t very relevant. The fact is, the phone is lost.

Its the first time its ever happened to me and its such a downer. That phone was a product of hard saving on my part and I bought it through a lot of hard trading, trying to get the better deal out of each one. Not only that, it was partially a Christmas present from my dad since some of the cash came from him.

I remember feeling good when I bought that phone, thinking I could sell my digicam since that phone had a camera that had just exactly what I needed.

Lots of fun with that phone, making prank sms' and painting the cover.

Painting it was fun, though the dogs had their share of the fun when I left it under the sun to dry. Then it turned even more fun when people kept playing 'guess that phone' when they see me using it. Of course, there’s the more practical side to it, what’s a cellphone, right? it woke me up in the morning, kept me informed about things, let me knew if there were classes or not, let me remember that 245mm is equal to 10 inches, helped me locate my classmates in the big campus so I wasn’t alone, helped me... helped me.

Somehow I feel even worse now that I remember that no one in our family has ever experienced this. Its almost like sort of family pride, that no member of the close family has lost, or had a phone stolen. ever.

THOUGH there’s a part of me that’s screaming to myself to get over it, Y'know, its just one of those things you can't help but be emotional about.

It could've been worse, I guess. The iPod could have been stolen instead. Or I could have been held at knifepoint -outnumbered. Or I could have gone insane and just threw my phone away. But I din't. I lost my phone.

The sad part is that I was neither in control, nor out of control of the situation, hell I wasn’t even AWARE of the situation which is worse than both.

I'm feeling that feeling of having lost. sagging shoulders, sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, shallow breathing, trying to find further logic as to why it happened...

Maybe it was like the superstition that pets absorb the blow of "bad luck" in the house. Its when a family member or a person living in that house is supposed to be ill, pets absorb that fate and become ill instead. I just recently started to believe in those superstitions since I've experienced or seen those incidents happen too often to be coincidences.

Add to that the fact that I dreamt of a scene in that day that really did happen.

I was waiting for a professor in our college building, sitting in front of a door to a classroom that holds a class, one year lower than mine, I’m with some other people doing the same thing, talking to each other, sitting on the floor. all of a sudden, the people in the classroom flood out talking about how they hate the professor for not going. Then I stand up, ranting to myself about how the day turned up to be so bad. I had an overnighter to submit a plate on that day, had to study for a math test on that day, and how I lost my cellphone trying to go to school when I didn’t really have to.

Except for the quantity of the people who went out through the door at a given time, and how I ranted, it DID happen. all of it.

Now I don’t know how to dismiss all of this even after collapsing onto my bed and sleeping for 17 hours straight.

I guess time will tell and heal. I'll learn to cope and deal with these things.

I'll be stronger once I’ve learned to deal with them. -after the preliminary exams.

2005-08-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

Uhuh, dash rayt.

(Part One)

A lot happened today.

I woke up late from an eleven hour sleep and was awakened for the last time by my dad.

Totally bewildered, I went straight to the C.R. and did my morning routine- without the ‘taking a calm, slow dump while reading magazines' part.

Then while brushing my teeth, my dad hurriedly shouted through the door telling me to hurry so I can go with him.

It was a pretty regular ride with my dad, 'cept this time I noticed he wasn’t listening to the news, but rather listening to classics on 104.7 or something- I forgot the radio station, but there they played oldies songs and classics.

Even though I was in and out of sleep in the car, I appreciated the songs and the radio station for having consistency even if there is high demand for new songs.

Questioning myself on how I liked the songs, I remembered a friend of mine who was such an old-schooler. He'd know so much about the 50's era and like most of the things from that time.

He reintroduced me to that particular radio station a while back (I last listened to that radio station when? ten years ago? or maybe passed it while the radio was on seek?) And I found it pretty nice.

I was thinking maybe I was just being influenced by a friend’s taste, but I ended up concluding that I wasn’t influenced and that I have tastes of my own that I’m aware of.

My dad dropped me off my stop at Quezon Avenue and spoke through the open car door, "Hey, what time are you going home? Tell me when you're home so I can give you your birthday gift." Then went off on his way to work.

When I got to school, I got a pretty happy greeting from my classmates who were scattered in the classroom, apparently without a professor.

"Wala si Maam?" ("Maam isn’t here?")

"Wala." (Short for "none" or roughly, “she's not here")

I thought it'd be the perfect time to buy something I always thought about.

(For the sake of not having to type both statements and translations and raising eyebrows, statements will be directly translated.)

"Hey, you guys going downstairs to get a drink or something?"

"I was about to go get my laundry before the next subject, why?"

"I'm going to go buy something at the overpass. Will you go with me if I go with you?"

"Yeah, sure."

Off we went to the laundry place, the area a block away from school that I haven’t gone to yet.

While walking there I kept thinking of all my classmates who had mp3 players.

Those little pieces of machines that play music into your ear and brings entertainment wherever you go.

I remember always seeing them using it and just drift away into the mood of the music and nod their heads to the beat, happy, angry and careless of the things around them. Careless of the people around them, staring, rotting away in their silent world of mixing paint, drafting construction lines, envious of the fortunate few to have had the resources to attain such a tool that can get you through your day.

Cursing under my breath, I slowly walked to the overpass, awaiting my chance to make a point to the same people. Remembering the times they nodded on to finishing their plates happily, without a care for those around them, not even considering sharing. Sometimes just being seen as show offs for good reason.

These are facts that cannot be denied. Although not applicable to some, most are. People with mp3 players are:

Vain:

“You’re getting that one?”

“Yeah”

“Why? This one is the same. That one is more expensive.”

“But this looks better.”

Ah, yes, in the world of refinement and supposed artistic tastes, aesthetics rules over practicality and economics. This is where people pay the extra thousand bucks for something that can make them feel good since it will help them be noticed and attain such irrelevant social status points.

Insecurity:

This goes with high-end cell phone users as well. This has most likely been experienced by most people.

Have you ever stared at someone sitting in front of you or beside you bringing out his mp3 player casually, almost taking his time, not minding people.

Of course you see it, just thinking to yourself, “Hey, that’s the new Creative 512 MB mp3/usb data card. Wooow.” Then you notice the owner getting a little jittery, looking in your direction constantly and suddenly packing it up and sitting there quietly as if nothing happened.

A case of paranoia.

He was probably thinking you wanted to steal it or something. Like you were a starved kleptomaniac, mouth frothing and locked on to the next target.

This isn’t a case of my own paranoia, this is actually true. People go around; wielding their fancy gadgets proudly and then put them back in their pockets or bags once they see a hint of other people possibly looking “TOO” much.

Another case of insecurity was best played in an incident in an internet gaming café:

Victor thinking to himself: Man, this game would be better if I had music. Good thing I borrowed my friend’s mp3 player.

*puts on mp3 player*

Guy beside him: *looks*

*stares for a moment*

Victor: *feeling the stare*

Guy beside him: *reaches into pocket*

*brings out more expensive, more exclusive iPod and puts it on the desk*

Maybe he was thinking the same thing? That the game WOULD be better if he had music, too? Maybe he just remembered he had it? Maybe he just decided to use it since he brought it along, anyway.

Maybe.

UNLIKELY STORY.

Selfishness:

As stated, reluctance to share his/her fortunes by sharing an earpiece.

*Sometimes completely becoming inconsiderate and going for headphones so no one else can borrow.

Pride:

A common thing among people with high-end gadgets as well, owning that piece of machinery gives them the illusion of a secure position in the social ladder.

Stating somewhere in the lines of, “Now you know what I’m capable of attaining.

Back off so I can act however I want. What, do I have to prove myself again?”

Well, that would be an extreme case, but it is very plausible however the case may be.

Inconsideration to others:

A mix of some of the given characteristics and examples, this happens when the owner fails to consider people around them. Going about their business, having no care at all what they think or how they feel.

As I walked up to the small stall in the overpass, I bargained for a decent price and freebies. I bought an F.M. radio.

An auto seek radio from the overpass, I bought it for just Php.50.00.

And as I put on the earphones and went straight to the same radio station my dad was listening to, I heard some fine oldies feel good music.

I kept thinking to myself, “WHY didn’t I think of this before?!”

It was the perfect solution to my problems as well as a perfect poisoned, serrated and sharpened point.

I could easily imagine it. (I didn’t have to. I’ve had similar talks with some of my classmates, but this was better played in my mind.)

Me: “Hey.”

Them: “Woow, you finally bought an mp3 player for yourself

Me: “what, this? It’s just a cheap ass mp3 player I bought from the overpass.”

Them: “really? How much?”

Me: “fifty bucks. Nothing compared to your expensive mp3 player.”

Them: “It’s ok. That thing is more practical, anyway.”

Me: “Yeah… … well, you know what? I think it is.”

*changes attitude and tone*

“I think my El-Cheapo F.M. Radio can eat your stupid ass mp3 player alive.”

“Why, the price alone! Quick, how much does YOURS cost?”

Them: “About two thousand bucks.”

Me: “There you go. Mine cost fifty bucks.”

“But wasn’t that price for yesterday? I think NOW its just 1.5k”

“Anyway, what are the specs? How many songs can you play there?”

Them: “About a hundred to three hundred.”

Me: “Ooh! Another point for me! I’m not limited to space! I can plug into radio waves anytime I want, plenty of songs out there. Plus, I have entertaining D.J.s!”

“Speaking of time though how long will a set of batteries last you?”

Them: “about a day or two”

Me: “that’s a pity. Mine can go for almost a month before I change batteries.”

“And I can always change to a better battery if I want the earphones to be louder.”

“Now that I think about it, does the 2k you paid for that thing include the earphones?”

Them: “no. I had to buy these 2” Altec Lansing headphones. They sound really great.”

Me: “wow, you’re rich. But why didn’t you just get cheaper earphones that performed the same and get a better mp3 player?”

Them: “I didn’t have enough cash at the time. I’m not that rich.”

Me: “Oh. Ok. I guess the earphones are nice anyway. Not to mention they look nice and stylish. Must attract some attention on the commute especially if you play it loud, eh?”

Them: “I don’t bring it out when I’m commuting. Someone might steal them.”

Me: “Woow. So you just listen to whatever stupid brainwash music the FX taxi driver is listening to? That’s sad. Me, I just keep it out. I put it on my chest pocket and listen to the music I want. Don’t care much for thieves and pickpockets since they’re smart enough to know what it is I’m using and classify me form there.”

“Hm? Oh, I’m sorry, I’m blabbering again. Sorry if I talk too much. I won’t bother you and waste more of your time. I’ll just go over to my seat.

*pats back*

I think I’ve proven my point. (All your base are belong to us! F.M. radio > j00; F.M. Radio PWNS mp3 Player; 60 |-|0|v|3, N00B!; OMGWTFLOLBBQ)

2005-08-07T05:40:00.000-07:00

This is a glass of Yakult

Will be posting a little later.

2005-07-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mighty Pen.

Another one for the Industrial Design students. My classmates in particular since we just tried our brains out on designing pens.

As you may or may not have seen, the pen is a freebie from mighty bond. A good sales bonus and something "fans" can collect. Whats interesting though, is the design.
(Now, for those of you who've seen it, dont be an asshole. Its the first time for many other people to see this design, so go spoil something else. Like your vanity.)

So here's the pen. It's called "Clip Ballpen". I find it interesting since i (as far as i know) out of all the students in the Industrial Design department, noone thought of a design similar to this one.

Its so simple, but innovative. Retractable tip for preventing accidents,

And heres the rear area. Understand the mechanism yet?

Its pretty neat-

What you do is..

just lift the clip!

Its comfortable, too. Follows the book right.

Then to retract it again, Just press the end of the clip that sticks out.
Or just pull the clip back.

I know, to some people, its a stupid thing to post about, but its also something easy to take for granted. Designing is hard. Its not like you get to think about this just like that. It takes some creativity and a knack for mechanics to design these things. And you can only acheive that by experiencing a lot of things. You can't produce things if you dont have any materials. Thats why you have to appreciate little things like this. You get more inspiration that way.

P.S. Just to show you how good the designer was, he even allowed it to be built with brittle but cheap plastic. Colorful, but wasy to break. Its ok since its inexpensive and easy to produce. Besides, if it breaks, what do you think you'll be using to fix it?

2005-07-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

Your lunchbox was never this cool.

Heres something for my fellow Industrial Design students.
Might be an inspiration to you guys.
Its something my mom bought. Y'know, one of those "its so cute, i think i'll buy it" things.
Imagine me weirded out seeing it sitting there; staring at me while i pass the kitchen.
I have no use for a particularly small lunchbox, but i guess it'll be neat when my nephew gets to use it in 4-5 years. He'll be like, "YEAH, I HAVE A VINTAGE STAR WARS LUNCHBOX." or something.

Upon inspecting the little plastic robot, you'll notice the regular lunch box features.

like this one, although its a little special. Poke R2D2's lense thing to make the straw come out.

The juice container is a good sized one. Along with the food containers.
You can also probably use it to cut sandwiche- OH MY GOD I BROKE IT!
I KILLED R2D2!

nah. Its just a fork.
YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YOU?

C'mon, be honest, now.

The spoon and fork comes with these small box areas in the bottom. Good for maybe some napkins or candy.

Overall i think its a great design. Pretty practical while being cool and neat.
'sides, i bet your lunchbox was probably never this cool and fun.

2005-07-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

OH, THAT IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL.

no posts yet. they are all yet to be created.
turns out even with the best time management, i cant find space to rest and make posts.
however, i stumbled upon this one while i was checking out some painting techniques.

OH, THAT IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL.
(yes, that is a toilet bowl made of real carbon fiber.)

Using the same water jet technology as our porcelain models and weighing in at a mere 10.9 lbs. This is the lightest Royal Flush toilet in the world.

Great for high speed patrol boats, for those in a hurry to go, racing enthusiasts, and the person who has everything else. Weighs in 40 lbs. less than standard models.

Call to order.

*original page came from http://www.headhunterinc.com/carbon_fiber.htm

2005-07-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

So long as you don’t travel alone.
(warning: long unedited post ahead. procede with much enthusiasm)

Oh, yes. its great to get home. Taking a bite out of that just re-heated meal after a gruelling test of survival trying to travel back home?

Its almost orgasmic.

Its pretty hard to get home from school. I live in a small place called Fairview, one hour from where I go to school, U.S.T. in Manila.

It doesn’t take one hour to get there since its that far. it takes an hour to get there since the road is hell, the people using it are crazy, and the number of people using it isn’t short of unimaginable when they made those roads back when? The 1930's?

Although i must admit, it’s pretty hard to actually help the situation since the place is already filled with commercial buildings that can’t really be torn down for a road widening project. They did, however, do something about it in some areas. They took out all the sidewalk vendors in the Manggahan area and relocated them to a newly built Market place nearby. and added three brand spanking new overpasses. (although people still don’t use it. Don’t get me started.) (- 10-15 minutes in travel time) Further down my route, they took out intersections, widened the road, and put into U-turn slots in place which changed the pace from slow-fast-slow to medium-fast-slow. (- 10-30) Another change was with a big part of metro Manila, The Quezon City circle was changed from a two way, 4 lane each path into a large 9 lane one way curb. (- 10-30) Entering Quezon Avenue, You now have a choice of going through EDSA by turning right on the fork, or taking left to the underpass which goes under EDSA and popping up right in front of Hi-Top Quezon Ave.(-10-20)

What else, anything else? nope I Don’t think so. from there, there are more U-turn slots, but I’m not quite sure if they help. they help people taking a u-turn, but they also turn a 4 lane road into a 2 lane road every so often. and, as Quezon Avenue is famous for its prostitutes, night clubs, and "spas", customers are often stopped by the road and just so happens to not notice he's stopped beside the u-turn slot, turning the 4 lane road into a 1 lane procession. at 5:30 in the morning. in this situation also, you'll see how weird manila drivers are. you'll see them pass by and don’t mind at all what’s happening. this is perhaps just one of a lot of unlikely things they use that response on. everything else, they react with either animal like rage, deaf like vocal communication, formula 1 style precision to get even, or what seems like a natural born talent in all Filipinos, whining, complaining and ranting.

This is why i love my body clock for never letting me down. i have learned the art of making yourself sleep through your seatmate's sweat, everyone else's heat, the cruddy suspension of public transport along with the "potholes" (there should be a new term for those things that are larger than 1 ft. in diameter or 2 inches deep. call them "super potholes" or something. or "super lumps" for the poorly made asphalt patches.), the directional Gs that are prominent when you’re standing in a moving bus, the usually tormenting peanut vendor, and what seems like a natural born talent in all Filipinos, whining, complaining and ranting. I just wake up two blocks away from school and never have any care for what happened during the ride. since i already got the ride.

I wonder if there is a shortage of transportation to my route, or just a lot of people going the same way I am. It’s so hard to get a ride, I swear.

It’s simply insulting that i wake up at 5:00 a.m. every morning even though my class is at 8. even though you’re out of the house by 5:30, you wont find anything to ride for the next 15 minutes. your best bet are the busses that have just enough room to fit you by the door since no one can come in anymore anyway. Its such a treat to ride the occasional FX taxi that just got out of the car wash and inviting you in the front seat. its worth staring at PUVS going to Cubao for 15 mins.

I hate those things. going to manila, i cant ride anything and all the PUVS that are available are the ones going to Cubao. GOING HOME, i STILL cant ride anything, but surely, insultingly, there are STILL Cubao bound PUVS. if only taking that route was helpful. it isn’t since its so out of the way, its really just practical to wait for an hour for something to ride.

I remember the first time i had that experience. it was 6:00 p.m. and they just let us off since it was starting to rain and they had to stop the freshmen orientation/mass.

i was inexperienced and hesitant. after an hour of standing for nothing, I felt so bad and I felt like more than two hours had passed. so i moved up España to try and get a ride before the ones later down the road. every few meters of unfamiliar roads felt so far and it started to rain. I went into a nearby mini stop to try and call for a ride or something, but my phone died on me. I was cold and helpless. it took two hours of waiting, 40 mins in the rain, and all the while being paranoid when there was this van that suddenly flashed "SM FAIRVIEW" in front of me. I eagerly stepped in and sat down inside, soaking wet. i wonder if the girl beside me noticed. she didn’t seem to mind me at all. aside from soaking wet, i was clutching in my hands, a fifty peso bill. It was all I had. I was actually teary eyed. i wanted to give all the money to the driver and gasp "THANK YOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

That time my perception of how things worked were changed. o'course, you get used to it and harden up. you figure some other people might have it worse off than you, travelling further, or having had worse experiences. or there are others like you.

there are also a number of times when i had spent these hours of waiting along with a friend or classmate. for the first 15 minutes you just stand there. waiting. but then you start complaining. this easily turns into a good conversation that lasts as long as there isn’t anything to ride.

come to think of it, as long as you have a friend there, especially until inside the ride, these times aren’t so bad.

Now that I recall, there was never a time when i felt bad when i had a friend accompanying me during those hard times. They’re all happy memories, in fact.

the time when we got so tired of waiting, we just sat on the sidewalk and talked. the time it was so late, the traffic was gone and my sister could pick me up. the timeless times the conversations were so good, we were laughing our asses off beside the road, not minding the people staring. the time I caught up with an old friend in the bus. the time i made new friends waiting for a ride. the time I made a new elderly friend in the bus and learned of his accomplishments and friends in the same university i go to.

just recently, I experienced my first 8:00 p.m. end of class. its hard enough to get off at 6. now we stay in school until 8. good thing there’s my classmate who takes the same route home. last time we waited together for the storm to pass and things to calm down. then while i got the green light to just get a taxi to my sister's condo nearby and wait for my dad there, i was trying to get him to go, but he wanted a single ride home so we were arguing about it. An old friend overheard and approached. When I caught her looking at me, she approached with a "Hi, You're Kevin, right?" "oh, thank god. I wasn’t really sure if that was you, but it took the risk of looking stupid. Heheh." "anyway, you still go home to Fairview? Do you want to share a cab or something?"

consulting my friend, he shook his head and insisted he's better off waiting for a single direct ride home and walked away reassuring he'll be ok.

the taxi to my sister's pad was worth 71 pesos and a good time catching up with friends from two years back.

In the condo, my sister wasn’t there, but her fiancé had already followed her instructions for dealing with me since he was using the place anyway.

there was a two piece chicken McDo meal with double rice and extra gravy along with iced tea and some money to pay for the taxi ride. he seemed quite busy

with the phone so I ate in front of the TV and watched The Apprentice. Halfway through it, he sat down beside me and offered microwaved pastries as we talked about the show.

My phone rang. My father was already downstairs to take me along home. and although it was the last leg, it actually took a while. turns out the storm flooded the area near our house and caused traffic so severe that there was already a 5 lane counter-flow blocking all traffic going out of Fairview. I didn’t mind. I was in the car with my father and we had a nice relaxing time listening to the news and talking though amusingly irate from gambling on the lane we chose.

Now that I’m home once again and recalling those times these have happened to me, I’m actually thankful for those times. And even though I don’t wish for those things to happen more than necessary, these are the days of our lives. They make you stronger and help you appreciate company for without them, things wouldn’t seem so easy and would never feel as secure and calm. They are the secret to the best travelling experience. They are the secret to having a better time not just literally on the road.

And though there are things that can easily make you feel like life’s a road not worth travelling, remember, so long as you don’t travel alone...

2005-06-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

Pig out. Feel good.

What’s happening? Is there some sort of great forces trying to unbalance the way things work so that they go my way?

*eating through a pack of Chocnut*
ok, so here’s the catch. I am.. drowsy. From over-eating. Well, there’s some from just 2 hours of sleep, but mostly over-eating. It feels so great though. Lately I’ve been eating like a pig. What is it, the 4^th day?

First was when I went with my mom to the mall to buy electricals and see what we could buy for father’s day. On the way back we decided to get a small pizza from Yellow Cab. Man oh man that felt good. Its been a while since I had pizza that good. Almost ¾ of summer passed since I had the one before that.

Of course, that night I had a good time sleeping and enjoyed the late wake up the next morning, even cancelling a trip to the gym to get some peaceful brunch. Took some time waking my brain up and heard that most of my friends were at my neighbors so I went there. It seems they were planning on a net game later that afternoon. I don’t know how it happened, but the next thing I know we were on a jeep towards the Lagro entrance for some shawarma take out.

We ordered two each, waiting to be called. It took quite a while, but it was all worth it. It seems the guy behind me was a regular ranting customer there and he seemed know the people there (though the people behind the counter seemed a bit irate seeing him.) The bill was Php500.00 for 9 Shawarmas, and one Sizzling Shawarma. Expensive? Hell no. those Shawarmas cost just over Php40.00 for something that’s longer than your hand span and filled to the top with beefy goodness.

On the way home I kept recalling the guy a number behind me ranting about how it took so long to get an order for one guy and insisted that they serve him. Very similar to the people in the bus, actually.

*hiding a smile and pretending to be asleep while hearing guy rant*

“ANU BA? BAKET PA BA KAYO NAGPAPASAKAY? HINDI NA NGA MAKADAAN MGA TAO TAPOS SISIKSIKIN NYO PA. MGA SUGAPA NAMAN KAYO! TAMA NA YAN!”

Hahah. There’s always someone that has to say that. Pretty amusing when you get used to all the other discomforts.

Anyways, where was I.. Ah, yes, we ate the shawarma. And we ate it real good. Along with a huge mug we all shared. One of us only bought one since he didn’t have any money to buy two. So he kept asking me to just give him what was left if I couldn’t finish. To that I foolishly said, “no way.”

I’m pretty sure I'm a strong eater. Although I think I might have eaten too much before the shawarma and possibly too much shawarma as well. Trying to finish that second one was hell. Your stomach about to burst, your breathing hard, your heart feels heavy, and you cant sit down in one place somehow. I surrendered and gave away the last bite that could have killed me.

Then we went out and did ‘insulting things’ to dog poop. Not a very good idea.

It’s been a while since I vomited. The last time I remember, I was trying out my gag reflex for the first time. But this time around, it’s bad enough that I didn’t feel right, but MAN, WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING THAT DOG?!

The next day, Sunday, Father’s day, I was still awake. I could really feel all the evil that the coq had to offer and I was afraid I might end up another heart attack victim or something. So I put sleeping off until the morning. Skipping a trip to tagaytay or the NSTP orientation. They said they had good attempts to wake me up, but to no avail.

Another lazy day, that day. Almost the same feel good slow wake up. And an 18” Napoli’s pizza when my parents got home. I had two, went to mass, came home, and then ate one more while chatting online and doing my assignment (which is really hard to do, by the way.)

Ok, so here’s the catch. I am.. drowsy. From over-eating. Well, there’s some from just 2 hours of sleep, but mostly over-eating. It feels so great though. Lately I’ve been eating like a pig. What is it, the 4^th day?

And on the 4^th day, he had 3/4ths of Mang Bok’s Manok. And then there was poop.

Oh, yeah, my luck seems to be changing. I can live like this.

Well, I can live like this and die soon, but I’d die a fat man. Fat men are better than gay men.

*update: Day 5: Two peice Jollibee Spicy Chicken with approx 5 small cups of rice along with two large tumblers of coke.

2005-06-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, one more thing, the reason for the good feeling and a sense of luck came from today's incidents where I found out that you can make strangers smile just by smiling at them.

*shrug* I was kidding around with my classmates, smiling and didn’t mean to, but glanced at a girl.
Another one of those perfect people.
Strangely, she smiled back. It happened quite a lot today as I walked around the campus conversing about funny things with classmates. So that felt nice.
Maybe being happy makes you happier, I duno. 'Coz another incident today made it look that way.
I was just at a line for advising for additional subjects, recalling happy thoughts, possibly sneaking a smile or two at the floor. duno. Maybe the girl behind me saw me smiling and maybe figured to strike a conversation with me or something.
It actually feels awkward since these incidents have never happened before.

Feels so nice to get those types of responses. Particularly form the opposite sex. And It helps being happy since you don’t really give a damn if you weird them out or anything.

2005-06-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

Brokung.

hey, i didnt know internet explorer doesnt show my blog right. the sidebar isnt supposed to be there. huh. i'll try getting to the bottom of it asap.

2005-06-15T07:26:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, Friend. Goodbye.

...

*sigh*

It’s the end of summer and tomorrow is once again the time to suit up load up, and go forth into the unforgiving place most call school.

I have that feeling again.

you know how when you try to look back on what you did during the summer, no matter how many great things you did and happened, you always seem to forget what you did or you see them as really irrelevant? The feeling is worse now than ever before.

A quick recap of the things I did this summer and I don’t feel satisfied at all. He. I guess no one is ever satisfied, but I want to at least feel a little more satisfaction than "ok, I guess.” I know I could have been more productive.

The times I spent relaxing too much in front of the TV..

The times I spent bettering myself on useless pc games..

The times I spent sleeping.

The times I wasted being wasted.

The times I spent bothering my neighbour and doing nothing there..

The list goes on and how I wish, right now as I look at all the stuff in my room, I finished other things instead.

I could have pushed myself to getting more out of the gym.

Build a 1:18 4wd system out of two RCs and some scrap.

Gotten a non pro license.

Use up the practice tires.

Fix business and make money.

Fix the bike.

Fix the scooter.

Fine tune the car.

Finish painting the computer.

Go out and jog around more.

Take a drawing workshop.

Draw a lot more concepts.

Learn to use Photoshop do 3d modelling or flash.

Get my own driving style.

Get advanced classes.

Learn self defence.

Keep the dogs away from my projects.

Make a casing for my phone.

Build up an old Volkswagen hotrod.

Drive it around.

Use the things I fixed.

Use the things I’ve learned.

A lot more to list down but these are what I COULD HAVE done feasibly and these are the things I really wanted to do.

-But didn’t.

I hate myself for letting procrastiny get the better of me and keeping myself from achieving a lot of things.

Right now I feel so bad about it. Though the thought still hangs in my mind that I did manage to accomplish some things, I can’t rid myself of the regret and a feeling of loss.

I guess school won’t be that bad since it'll take my mind off of all the unfinished projects and make me remember just how good summer feels.

*tilts head* Hm.. I guess remembering the good stuff is less pathetic than listing down what could have happened.

*exhales*

*continues to lie down and think*

The beach..

The swimming pool..

The sleepovers..

The racing..

The time..

Summer.

2005-06-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind

I just watched the movie. Let me tell you. It was weird.
But no, lemme explain.

The movie starts off with two of the major characters meeting on a train. Almost with a spark the two suddenly confront each other in an exchange of each other's company as the main character, Joel, falls in love with the bright personality of the lead female (Clementine played by Kate Winslet).

The conflict starts when Joel one day approaches Clementine in her work at a library and finds out that she has decided to completely forget him and continue to pay attention to another guy, Patrick (Elijah wood).

Devastated and bewildered, he goes to his friend’s place for some consolation as to what could have happened. This churns up an advice from his friends to go to some specialists that might be able to help.

Desperate, he goes to the specialist's office.
The doctor or professor later explains about the operation as a way to remove certain memories that the person no longer wants.

This is where the movie revolves around as Joel takes the operation and finds himself in a confusing world where slowly, his memories are rearranged as his memories of Clementine is being erased.

You cannot put into words the appreciation of an awesome job pulled off. The movie is awesome. How they accomplished to tell a story of a person's journey about his thoughts and the swirl of words that all the characters bring is simply astounding.

Its also a great story as you’re taken into how Joel slowly realizes what is happening in his little world of and develops a simulation of the girl he wanted to forget as well as a realization of himself and his actions from the third person, creating different points of views as he slowly figure things out from those simulations.

A lot of things also happen in the real world as the stories of the other characters play out during Joel's operation.

Like I said. Its weird. And at some points it was really confusing. But when the movie ended, I was surprised to feel very satisfied and very much enlightened. Its the sort of story that gives you more than just a good story as it also gives you a lot to realize about life, how to cope with situations, paranoia, a lot to think about, and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

2005-06-14T03:26:00.000-07:00

PUNKS. = D

I stole a test that Prankoys (who got a score of 97: Nerd God) stole rom Ardzeii (who got a 94: Supreme Nerd) .

2005-06-07T07:50:00.001-07:00

Calling all TV networks.

Oh my god! MTVs done it again with the new series, MTV BURN.

“Burn” is a California based TV show intent on “burning” people who have been voted deserving.

Now, honestly I’ve never heard of the term “Burn” used other than for its litteral meaning, but I’m beginning to like that word.

The show starts with four people, closely related to one person which the show will revolve around. As with other shows of this type, the (lets call him) ‘victim’ is invited to what they believe is a hot and happening occasion where they’ll meet, in the last two cases, girls or “seducers” as the show like to call them. Little does the victim know that the entire party is set up just for him.

The entire location is furnished and bombarded with hidden cameras as well as quick video editing equipment just for that special moment of revelation. They even have a host for the party to make sure the victim is very comfortable to do his “thing”.

No, no. its not a porn show. Its better. You might have probably met one of these people that the show targets. These are the people you love to hate. Posers, liars, overconfident, vain, pathetic scumbags.

You know them. The guy who always laughs out loud, doing things like wearing civilian shirts to school and such attempts to claim their taste of attention and what they think would make them “cool” in the eyes of others. I sure know some. And GOD, do I want to do something about it. But getting 20+ years for murder isn’t worth it.

At least not yet.

If you haven’t met one, then good for you. I hope your streak lasts. And as for the others, you might want to call all TV networks to copy MTV’s Burn show and pick you as the person who chooses a victim and some others to tag along with you as you watch him burn.

The moment of “burning” on the show starts when the victim has talked for a good while with most of the “seducers” and they have enough material to reveal that the victim is a no good, posing, lying, self righteous scumbag who thinks too highly of himself and his ways of trying to get to the girls.

This is when the host returns to check up on the victim and tell him he has a “surprise” for him or he “has a private room for him and his girls” (everyone is in on it).

He will then be lead to a room with a lot of people, mostly girls, a huge monitor or a good projector and a front row seat for him to watch himself in his futile efforts as he feels all those people turning up the heat on his back.

After the short edited flick showing the highs and low blows of his left footed dance, he is forced to confront the crowd entire crowd of the party while the “seducers” shout out, “WHAT DO YOU THINK GUYS?!”.

At which point the crowd yells back in a hail of Boos and faces of contempt while victim “Burns”. Also, while he’s burning, they let in the four “friends” of the victim along with a bunch of cameras to walk up.

“Dude, I know you’re my brother and all, but you had to learn. .. YO JUST BEEN BURNED.”

(Its so great. *sniffle* to see them. These types of people- seeing them being robbed of the thing they’d do and did anything to get. Social status and women to score with.

*cries* its so great.. *bites lower lip and curls eyebrows*)

The end of the show is where the action is at. After showing different angles of the burning, they then make the victim admit it.

As one of them earthily claimed,

“I thought I had it. I thought I had it in my blood, Y’know? ..

But now I know I aint all that.

I’m name here .. and I’ve just been burned.”

(OH, SWEET JUSTICE.)

So there. If there’s anyone out there who has good ties to local networks looking for a great idea for shows, YOU KNOW WHAT WE WANT. (yeah, I am SO sure im not alone in this.) Do this world some justice and help retarded people get rationality in an instant. PLEASE. You’d be doing a lot of people a lot of enjoyment and peace of mind. And you might get good blue bucks out of it.

-oh, and if you ever get it started, pick me as the person who gets to choose the victim.

2005-05-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

auto art fart

Today after some bathroom thinking (diarrhea = more bathroom time = more creative thinking), I searched for a Willy’s Jeep to Photoshop.

It was something I recently gave attention to when I think of design and basics and stuff. And it was one of those underrated cars that people barely notice nowadays.

I got a lot of stuff through Google. But then I also ran across some auto art links.

Man, these guys rule.

Check it out.

http://www.supercrawler.com/Shopping/Visual_Arts/Thematic/Automotive/

http://www.cruisin-usa.com/autoart.html

I recommend you go check these sites out though. They’re pretty interesting.

http://www.hotrodart.com/

hotrod art. ratty AND classy.

http://www.madmachines.com/

check out the projects

http://www.zot-art.com/

stippling.

http://www.motorsm.com/gallery/sale_DI_2.htm
check out david irving's art.

Man, I wish I can sketch and paint like these guys. Makes it easier to let go of some of the creative thoughts I have. I’d so much more productive that way. *sigh* oh, well, I guess I could try saving up for a digital pen first. Then get used to it and try art brushing then doing it on cars then getting better, than having fun… Yeah. That would rule…

2005-05-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

Sick, dude.

Ugh. This isn’t right. I’m really sick, now.

It’s my third day being sick and I feel only slightly better.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this bad though. This seems to be something worse than anything I really had when I was stressed out in school. Even stranger is that it feels worse than the time I got “gastro-enteritis” and was out from school for almost a month.

My head hurts. It feels like all the soft tissue that used to support it suddenly turned into bits of broken fluorescent light bulbs. I can try to think when I’m not moving but then what I think up hasn’t made much sense till just a few hours ago. My back hurts from too much bed time, anything I sit on reflects the heat back to me, there’s no more ice in the fridge, we ran out of juice, the aircon hurts my swollen sinus, me throat feels like its bleeding, I cant taste anything, I cant breathe well, I cant poop well, hell, I cant even walk without collapsing.

Worker dude: “we’re losing power to the knees!”

Captain guy: “Gather what power we can to it and hope it works. Meanwhile brace yourselves!”

Worker dude: “it didn’t work!”

Everybody, everybody: “ooooh sheeeet!!!!”

*collapses*

Me: “ow, damnit, my head?!” *breathes heavily, tears coming out of eyes* “owwwwww…..” *decides to just crawl*

Ffff. Being sick is such a hassle. At least right now it is. I wish it came at a time on a school day when I'm deprived of sleep and there’s nothing happening at school anyway. Not during summer. Especially now that it’s the last week of summer.

I hate you, viral fever! Take that! umph!

*swallows meds and vitamins*

*drinks orange juice through a straw*

*crawls to bed*

2005-05-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

Imperbyew with da peynt mikser.

(yeah, i never really made a tagalog post before. so now here it is.)

Panahon nanaman ng pagpapaayos ng bahay bago mag tag-ulan muli. At habang nililiha pa ang lumang pintura ng bahay, isinama ako ng nanay ko papunta sa bilihan ng pintura. Sumama naman ako upang makabili na rin ng internet card kasi malapit din naman sa pupuntahan.

Pumunta kami sa Jazhel paint center sa tabi ng Napoli’s (hm… Napoli’s….) Fairview branch. Mabilis kaming nagawan ng serbisyo at naglabas sila ng upuan habang sinimulan nila ang pagprepara ng paghalo ng pintura.

Ngunit ako ay hindi din nakaupo sapagkat alam ko na ako ay nasa harap ng isang propesyonal. Madalas naming pag-usapan sa eskwelahan ang mga tagahalo ng pintura habang kami mismo ay naghahalo ng pintura para sa aming obra. Mahirap mag halo nang pintura, at kung hindi mo alam ang iyong ginagawa, mag-aaksaya ka lang ng pera sa kakadagdag nang hindi kailangan.

Sa puntong ito ako tumayo at nanood ng paghalo ng pintura. Hinintay ko siyang bumalik kasama ang tatlong iba-ibang klaseng pintura at panghalo na kailangan.

Kinuha ko na rin ang opportunidad na kumbaga ay gumawa ng maikling kaswal na interview.

Ako: so, kuya, matagal na kayong naghahalo ng pintura?

Kuya (bwiset, hindi ko nakuha yung pangalan pala.) : ah.. ayos lang. matagal-tagal na

Din.

Ako: ayos ah, ang bilis makuha naman yung kulay. Pano kayo natutong mag-halo ng ganyan?

Kuya: ah, anu ‘yan, experience lang yan talaga pag nagpipintura ka.

Ako: o? eh, di napaka hirap naman, tsaka matagal.

Kuya: oo, kelangan mo talagang masubukan lahat ng combinasyon ng pintura.

Ako: oo ng apo eh. Ako po nag-aaral ng-

Kuya: fine arts?

Ako: opo. Sa UST po. Pag kami po naghahalo eh, matagal at sumosobra yung

ginagawa namin. Panay trial and error pa.

Kuya: ah, oo, ganun talaga yun. Walang ibang paraan. Maski nga eto, trial and error pa rin. Experience lang talaga.

Ako: panu ‘yun? Eh, di madaming pintura na nadaanan nyo?

Kuya: oo.

Pinagpatuloy niya ang paghalo ng pintura at pabalik-balik sa may araw upang Makita ang kinalabasan ng pintura. Ako naman ay tumingin-tingin sa mga binebenta nila na pintura at liha. Pagkatapos madaanan ang sobrang daming kulay, napansin ko yung isang rolyo ng liha.

Ako: woah. Number 36 na liha! Eh yung 40 pa nga lang sobrang gaspang na eh.

Kuya, san ginagamit ‘to?

Kuya: ah, anu yan. Uh… para sa bagong tuyo na semento. Oh di kaya sa kahoy o sa uh… kotse?

Ako (paisip lamang): kotse? *kamot ulo* parang pangtanggal ng barnacle sa barko eh.

Pgakatapos nun ay naglakad ako patungo sa katabing shop na nagbebenta nang motor. Maganda ang mga motor, ngunit mahal. Mga nasa 100k depende sa modelo. Pabalik sa Jezhel ay napansin ko yung sign sa labas: “Wanted Paint Mixer”.

Napaisip ako at bumalik kay kuya para magtanong.

Ako: kuya, panu nyo nga pala nakuha yung trabaho nyo? Anu bay un, parang may test?

Kuya: ah, oo.

Ako: pano, paghahaluin kayo ng iba-iba?

Kuya: oo, kailangan alam mo yung mga pangalan ng pintura at kung panu haluin.

Ako: eh, di an daming pintura nun?

Kuya: oo. Tapos yung mahirap dun yung mga metallic colors? Kailangan tamang tama ang timpla.

Sa puntong itoay kumuha nanaman siya nang kapirasong cardboard na pang-scoop ng tumulong pintura , ikinumpara ang pintura sa sample, at binigay ang timba sa kasama para haluin mabuti. Nagulat ako nang kumuha naman siya nang apat pang lalagyan na maliit at naghalo ng panibagong batch.

Talagang bilib ako sa kanya dahil sa pag-gawa nya nang ganun, maski nakatipid sila ng isang 4 galon na lalagyan eh, nasa balikat nya ngayon ang responsibilidad na perpektong halo kulay sa bawat isa sa lalagyanan na ‘yun. Siguro nga sanay na siya masyado. Biruin mo meron pang kaunting laman yung mga ginamit niyang lalagyanan na ibang kulay. Ako naman ay tingin nang tingin kung magkakapareho yung kulay. Ang galing.

Napatunayan nanaman ang galing ng mga tagahalo ng pintura. Sa pag panood ko sa araw na gayon, nadagdagan nanaman ang respeto ko sa mga taong ito. Kung dati ay Malinaw pa ang alaala ko at nakikipag-kwentuhan habang naghahalo ng pintura sa klase ay nirerespeto ko na ang mga simpleng tagahalo ng pintura, ngayon ay walang bahid maski ano and paningin ko sa kanila.

“astig sila.” Aking inisip habang pinindot ko ang busina at kumaway sa mga tao sa Jezhel paint. At umuwi na kontento spagkat alam kong nakausap ko ang isa sa mga magaling na tao sa pilipinas.

2005-05-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

Yay. I found my backup cd which contains my old documents. Looking at the pictures and notes really brings back a lot of memories.

As you’ve noticed, one of the things I found was the original Bushjoakd logo which I’m using now. Let’s see, some other things I found were…

1. In memory of Humphrey Bogart.

A picture of my old dog, Bogart. After Humphrey Bogart. Why Humphrey Bogart? Because as a pup he always Humphed. .. I mean humped.

A pure bred yellow Labrador, his parents were some famous celebrity dogs, but I never really got into that.

He was a good dog as well as a good kick bag, pillow, fetcher, eater, punch bag, foot stool, fertilizer, hole digger, vacuum cleaner, garbage disposal, doorstop, table, moving target, inanimate target, “punisher of the lazy”, “eater of the alpha male”, a living description of “if you gotta be dumb, you gotta be tough”, drool factory, ball destroyer, bone crusher, stone crusher, coconut peeler, water eater, and apparently a nice FREE source of essential nutrients.

Yes, unfortunately, one day Bogart went missing when my brother went home and was too tired to get him back in the house when he ran out.

We never found him, but found clues as to where he was. It seems some tricycle drivers “FOUND” him “LYING ON THE PAVEMENT AND BLEEDING AS IF HE WAS RUN OVER (3ish a.m.)” so they took him to the nearest tricycle station to “DISPLAY HIM AND SEE IF ANYONE WOULD RECOGNIZE HIM AND TAKE HIM”.

Unfortunately, after PATIENTLY WAITING FOR 2 HOURS, (5a.m.) they FIGURED no one would claim him. They also FIGURED that it would be such a pity that the dog’s corpse had to be displayed for people to see. However, they also FIGURED that it would also be such a waste to just GIVE THE DOG A PROPER BURIAL.

So they CUT HIM UP AND DISTRIBUTE THE MEAT TO THE NEIGHBORS AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS. You can just imagine their PURE, INNOCENT hearts saying “HEY, I DON’T THINK THE OWNER WOULD MIND. AFTER ALL, WE (*ehem*) FOUND HIM. YES, FOUND HIM DEAD ON THE ROAD. (*wink*wink*) OH, IT WAS TERRIBLE. HE WAS ALL BLOODY.”

Yeah, I think they purposely “DIDN’T” tell the later shift of tricycle drivers so that they MIGHT have the opportunity to tell me personally. Wow. You have to hand it over to these people. They just THINK OF EVERYTHING!

They are KIND, CARING, EFFICIENT, HELPFUL AND THE COMMUNITY’S BEST MURDERERS! YOU DESPARATE FUCKING ASSHOLES. YOU AND YOUR HUNK OF TURD RACERS DESERVE TO GET RUN OVER BY GARBAGE TRUCKS, YOU SICK TREE FUCKERS. HOW WOULD *YOU* LIKE IT IF I KILLED *YOUR* DOG WITH A PLANK TO THE HEAD AND CUT HIM UP TO FEED HIM TO PEOPLE IN *MY* SUBDIVISION? I HOPE YOURE HAPPY EATING MY DOG. A ALSO HOPE YOU GET IMPALED THROUGH THE HIP WITH A PENCIL AND SUFFER FROM GANG GREEN.

2005-05-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

I also found Pictures of what was supposed to be my car. It was, actually. Though just partly, i've grown attached to it quite well.

2. In memory of the small car with the big heart.
(metaphorically)

This car was bought by my father as really a temporary car. Something my sister could use to go to school and back in all ways that that statement stands for.

It wasn’t much. Basic car with a small engine, 5 speed manual tranny, aircon, am/fm radio with cassette player and no power windows, power steering, power doors.

My father bought it at a time Prince motors’ sales for that particular model was getting pretty low. He bought it for 180k. A real bargain considering regular sedans then cost around 500k. And for what it offered, it was perfect.

We didn’t expect to love the small car. It was something we never thought we’d miss.

Constantly taken for granted, it was the family’s utility car. Used for everything and anything. I even remember practicing slalom racing in it.

I LOVED that car. It is the source of all my enthusiasm up until this point. It taught me a lot of things and kept my personality in check. I loved everything about it. I loved what it stood for. You see, the Kia Pride is properly named. Those who own it know. There is certain pride in owning a car like that. It constantly reminds you that it’s giving you more than you actually bargained for. It reminds you that you made a nice decision. And to be able to keep it in better condition than everyone else’s car although it wasn’t supposed to will add pride to any driver.

I was also a turning point in my life. Like I said, it has taught me a lot of things.

It taught me to become humble and giving. It taught me to laugh at people who look down on the small car with a big heart. It taught me patience and the rewards of your actions. But most of all, it taught me a lot about the philosophy of minimalism. The philosophy which dominates my way of thinking. It has influenced me to live the life enthused in cars and design in general.

It changed my life and I have a lot to thank for it.

the front left fender was discolored from a poor repainting job the time a bus hit it.

rear view with the mags. and i didnt bother covering the plate number. if you see it, say hi to the new owner for me. he's some navy dude.

the interior. discolored from age, with that el-cheapo tachometer, just as aged floor mat, receipts, cheap seat cover, and the radio my parents gave me as a gift. man, i can still remember how the inside of the car used to smell.

some Paint work and some basic photoshop. it was the time of my transition to photoshop.

2005-05-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

3. Photoshop > Paint

Oh, and along with the Pictures of the car, I remember the old days when I edited the pictures to see what it’d look like if I changed the mags or lowered it.

basic ford festiva

"quick" lowering job, real shitty cut and paste work.

i know, i know, i sucked. you dont have to tell me. well, you do, but dont.

Image editing. No, no, not Photoshop. Paint! Yeah, paint! Until recently i’ve been using Paint to edit images. But now I got the time to bother my friends to teach me how to use Photoshop. Whether it be through SMS or IRC, I got taught the basic things I needed to do to edit.

i think this is what my dad is going to get.

wont hurt to check out what it'd look like with some nice rims.

photoshop, but not necesarilly better.

It’s such a great feeling being able to edit images. It’s like being given -… well, it IS being given a vital skill to let out your creativity. Now fewer things will be left for the mind only.

this is the same model car we have. this is what it looked like when it was stock.

this is what it COULD look like if you gave me a hundred thousand bux.
the image isnt really that good, but i was just too excited to get to the end. yes, ive learned my lesson. next time i wont.

2005-05-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

And speaking of letting out creativity, I also stumbled upon images of my computer when I stumbled on a new technique to use spray-paint.

4. Stop, Drop, Roll it on back.

It’s funny how everyone catches up with the latest style and fashion. That time I started to regret buying that casing. Shortly after buying the comp, everyone just had the same silver casing with Plexiglas side panels and an exhaust fan in the middle.

So, I did what I could to keep it unique.
Oh yeah, you could just imagine me standing there after assembling the freshly dried custom paint job. I was like Tom Hanks in survivor when he started his first fire.

“

*wide eyed and victorious*

HAH!

*raises arms*

LOOK!

*puts hands on hips and starts looking like he’s too damn great*

LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE CREATED!!!

*loses it and starts prancing around it like an idiot*

Carbon fiber, baby.

YAEH! TAHBUHN FABUH!

It was fun while it lasted. Of course, with the time comes more extreme and various designs. Suddenly casing manufacturers started releasing more drastic designs. It had to be black. With L.E.D.s and silver stuff in front to reflect the light.

Man, was I pissed. Though I knew my paint job was better, from a far, my computer started to look pretty ordinary. It gave off the idea that I was just trying to fit in with the black casing generation. it made me pretty insecure, to be honest.

After that I thought somewhere in the lines of “if you can’t beat them, be the bottom of the ladder.” Or something. Somewhere in that idea. The plan was to make it look good, but to the point where it would be limited to me.

Now, although the old paint job did that, it didn’t quite give off that perfect feel to it.

If you’ve read the previous post, you’d see my philosophy in this one.

I looked inside the casing and found out many little problems and possibilities. For example, the exhaust fan inside blew out the hot air, but got rippled air since it itself was making the air flow uncontinuosly. After that, it blew into a swirl patterned grill, so the airflow wasn’t very consistent. Taking care of this meant removing the whole exhaust grill with a grinder and placing the fan outside to clear up space near the processor as well as improve the airflow.

(already cut, but the fan is still there.)

Now, I noticed casings getting taller and taller. I remember thinking about casing designs when I needed to submit a portfolio as a requirement for getting into industrial design. There I had a basic simple design with just two slots for cdroms.

note the crummy wiring job.

Then there were fan ports everywhere to compensate for the lack of space (more space=less susceptibility to heat the entire casing).

trial test fit. the paint is still scaly from carbon fiber base paint.

Although I didn’t get to the point where I added fan ports, I had a secret weapon. I only need one exhaust fan now. Since I wasn’t going to use side panels, anyway. I’m going with the floor fan pointing to the side panel style of cooling.

temporary side panel made of illustration board.

As for the physical modification, I sawed a line just above the motherboard where the power supply would be. It was an oldschool design, but was made for smaller power supplies, but there was still space on the side to put the power supply and have a small bulge on the side. Keep in mind that I wasn’t going to use the side panels.

another look at the illustration board side panel. whee.

The paint scheme was difficult since it would decide the overall attitude of the computer. I wanted it red since I already had a nice hue of red available, but my friend got to the idea first. Incidentally, I had some Baltic white left over from school projects so I imagined it with that. Turns out it was exactly what I was looking for.

pardon the lighting.

Adding the paint finished the image perfectly. With the casing chopped and configured to the old style, it now looked like it’s really old. Although, if you get near it, the casing looks shiny, from afar it looks like it USED to be white but just too old to return to being white anymore.

i painted the side panels with stylized flames usually found on choppers or hot rods. *shrugs*

I like it. Even with the black cdroms, it looks like they were added for practical reasons. The casing looks simple, small, old and underperforming. Like an old office computer. Even the copper colored ORB3 CPU fan looks old and basic.

yeah, i like the side panel without the paint, too, but im not going to use it anyway.

2005-05-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

Ooh, I also found some stuff that could do as nice material for posting, but that won’t happen anytime soon. I found pictures of a post that I was supposed to make, but I didn’t have a blog then. My Kadeshi friend made the post for me.

5. Neon Revelations Evoluk VII by Prankoys
(clickable link)

2005-05-16T04:30:00.000-07:00

And by the way, i'm sure many people have told you this before, but I just need to compliment you.

2005-05-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

etagon.

yay. *Bushjoakd* gets 1642 Hits and i found the original bushjoakd logo..
it was my first photoshop image. re-trying out photoshop since then.. as you may have noticed with my brand spanking new -uh... icon things.. (im too sleepy to remember what theyre called.), you can tell im as good as a one year old boy trying to paint a car. anyways, i'll try getting better and stuff. oh, and posts to come soon. i just need some sleep and time to review my life. maybe after this sunday when ive come form the beach.

...
THE BEACH!!!!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!1111

2005-04-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

Out with the Old, in with the New: a three part mini-series.

Part One: The old.

The last time i posted about shoes was when i had to change my shoes. i guess it's going to be a yearly thing. or an every two year thing.

Anyway, the last time my shoes broke down, my friend remembered he had a pair of shoes just like that and gave them to me since his feet were big. or my feet are small. The pair he gave me were in quite good condition. and they were the same model. Adidas Sambas. At a time when Greenhills hasn’t flourished so much yet, originals were the way to go. So those shoes were special since it had good properties for something that costs around Php1.000.00.

It had a discreet look and it was really comfortable to wear. Not to mention that since its soles were the gum type, it had a lot of grip. It was really fun to use. Since you knew they weren’t some expensive signature shoes, you could be pretty care free to take it for granted.

And that I did. I used them everywhere, wore them every time I could and even did when I shouldn’t or shouldn’t have. I loved those shoes ‘till the day I had to replace them. Then they were replaced with the same thing. A little more classic looking, but the same, nonetheless. So I treated them like the previous ones. I loved them like hell.

Its really such a shame when you can barely wear the shoes you love. The pair that my friend gave me, were really old. They were like, six years old when he gave them to me. So after a little wearing out, it got to the point where it was unbearable. I couldn’t slip them on since the rear part is torn. Y’know, the one you evade by using a shoe horn? Yeah, that one. Another thing is that since it was old, the gum compound was hard. So every time I stepped onto non-porus surfaces, I’d suddenly lose grip and slide. I know, I still adjusted to be able to keep using it. And I did. But now the sole is so thin I get hurt when I step on sharp objects. It doesn’t go through, but I still feel them to a good degree. The last thing is, get this. Its so old that the leather is actually cracking. Do you believe that? It doesn’t add up to the factors why I have to get new ones. In fact I love it. It adds to the personality of the shoes. But somehow you feel pity for it.

This is where is started to use it less. Instead of the samba, I use slippers whenever I can. Or the prestos my sister gave me. They’re not as old, but somehow just as used. Ive used it to the extent that the bottom layer of the sole is peeling off and the top part is crumbling. Basically its being held up with mighty bond and soldered rubber.

I don’t know why I didn’t ask for new ones. I always said no when the opportunity arose.

Maybe its because I like the shoes too much. Maybe I don’t know of any good new ones or that I’m afraid I’d look like I was trying to fit in. I’m not really sure. But somehow they must have noticed that they needed to take action.

Part two: Replacing

I’ve had a lot of opportunities to change my shoes. There are always the times when my father was available to go out. Or when I had money and could go with my friend to greenhills, but the most memorable is when my family went to New York and San Fransisco for the Christmas vacation. My father didn’t want me to waste the opportunity so, aside from the money he gave me, he said he’d treat me to something that’s worth 30$ “AS LONG AS ITS USEFULL” practically pointing out the hotel window to the shoe warehouse in front. I was pretty convinced then. Except when I was actually in the stores picking out the shoes. Strangely enough, the ones I liked, the discreet ones, happened to be the signature series ones. Which was strange since it looked least likely to be $90. I found few choices in my range, some were actually good. But then there kept a throbbing thought in my head… “greenhills…. Greenhills…… GREENHILLS!”

Think about it, buy there and you’d have a mediocre designed pair of shoes, an empty wallet, good memories that you bought them from the states, but you’d also have regret that you didn’t buy from greenhills where shoes cost around Php500 bux.

So $30 x 56 = Php1680. think about that. So instead of getting ONE pair, you get THREE.

So imagine how surprised I was when my sister suddenly called and said,

“Hey, I’m going home this week, Papa gave me some money to buy you shoes. You have a budget of Php4,000.00 and I’ll be there to make sure you spend it all on shoes.”

Part Three: Greenhills

On the way to Greenhills with my sister and brother I was thinking about how I could make use of the 4k budget for shoes.

“can I buy maybe one low budget original then two fake ones?”

“sure.”

Alright that was set. So we went to the stores that sold originals first. Nothing very tempting. And the prices were intimidating. 2.7k, 3k, 4k… I was surprised to see a brown Samba in one store. I was even more surprised to see that I cost upwards of 3k.

So I didn’t find originals very nice to buy. I figured I’d just buy a couple of fakes then go home contentedly with extra money in the pocket. At which stage, my sister mentioned, “you have a minimum of 3k, ha. Maximum of 4k. you can't pocket any of this money.”

Great. But insane. 4k.. lets see. 8 PAIRS OF SHOES?!

It STARTED as a pretty nice idea. But after two hours of rummaging through different stalls, each with around maybe fifty or so pairs each, it gets a little complicated.
"Ok, so lets have lunch first then decide?"

“OK”

After a quick meal, we were sent back into what was becoming a crowded forest of stalls. We decided to buy the ones we really like already so we would have less to think about. It wasn’t that easy. Imagine, you look at one pair of shoes and think how well it will fit you, what you can wear with it, what you can wear with it, would it be practical, would it be ok, and would it last. In which case, you grab the shoe, take a closer look, think some more, and then check the materials and how well the shoe was made. Then come up with a mental rating for the shoe ass opposed to the others. At which cstage you go on to the the next 50 shoes.

After buying two shoes: *groan* I’m getting dizzy. Hey, isn’t it about time to meet up again?

*meets up with sister*

“you guys want to have halo-halo?”

Kev: “ok”

Brother: “ok, after we put these in the car”

Heh. Even after a nice long conversation and a cold treat, the area between my eyebrows were still throbbing. Getting crosseyed from looking at so many shoes, and thinking about each and every one of them, its really hard to pick one out. Maybe it was apparent we couldn’t start buying just yet, so my sister took us with her to shop for some clothes. On the way I bought a pair of sandals so I could take them on and off when trying out shoes. Nothing special just your regular leather sandals.

After my sister looked for some clothes, we ran across some clothes that fit us so we convinced her to let us spend some of the money on shirts. Then she had to go and leave us there.

She still insisted that we couldn’t spend less than 3k else our dad would take proper action.

Returning to the previous stalls, my brother was still trying very hard to buy his third set of shoes. It was very funny since I knew exactly how he felt. Since I already bought two pairs and sandals I was already content. The pain was partially gone. So imagine having to look at a person who’s really trying hard to pick out a nice shoe despite the fact that he was REALLY tired and really disoriented with all the shoes in front of him.

We ran across the entire area one for the last few times. Then I saw something in the bargain bin. It looked exactly like my original Samba. So I hurried and tried it on. Alas. Too tight and it was the only one in stock. The other models that looked similar to it didn’t have the gum soles and looked quite fake with the white lettering, “SAMOA” on the side.

I cannot stress enough how its such a challenge to have to buy a pair of shoes, let alone more than two pairs. There are so many to choose from and so many alike that you wouldn’t want to buy any two alike. Or anything everyone buys. Its really hard to think about that the entire day.

The last thing I bought was a sort of new generation version of the Samba. It was really practical as well. Its really light, sort of fluffy and it looks durable enough. So I bought it sort of to keep the ball rolling for my love for the Samba.

After that day, I ended up with 3 pairs of shoes, a pair of sandals, 3 shirts (went to the trans sport show afterwards and bought this really cool Ralliart shirt) and a headache that lasted till the next day.

And even though I’ve learned a lot of lessons that day, its not likely with these three new shoes and shirts, I’d be going back to do that again anytime soon.

So if you’re ever going to go to greenhills to buy one or more shoes, be ready. Be VERY ready.

I duno what these are called, but theyre ok.

New white Pumas. it looks too nice, but let it age and it'll get its personality.

can't wait for it to get dirty.

My first red shoes. I'll probably be using these with red shirts or when i go to the tracks.

P.S. Thanks to my dad for the money to buy these shoes and shirts. (he's never done something like this before.)

Images brought to you by:

2005-04-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

alts and titles.

working on some posts. still cant find a way to make my phone sync with the computer.
so for now i just put a new link, its the ONE.org. check it out. its pretty cool.
they dont ask for money, they just ask for signatures.
Also, i added alt and title options on the links to give you at least some info when you hover your cursor over the link. i'll probably change the info from time to time.

2005-04-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

teh-RULE!!

yeah. they make sense. basically most of what i want to say you'll find here.
*note that i couldnt watch the shows the same time they did, but i have the same attatchment.

http://forums.livingwithstyle.com/t122920-90s-cartoons.html

saturday morning cartoons rule.
i think my childhood had a great lineup those things. oh, they didnt mention Ren and Stimpy.
and STREET SHARKS. Man, that was great. They were like, bad-asses. people would see them and run away. (though they strangely dont know theyre there to save 'em) i guess i'd run, too if i saw a big burly man/shark coming out of the ground, or screeching to a stop in one of them hot-rod buggy mobile with big-ass three spoke mags and beside it, a big american chopper. yeah, an inspiration to some of my designs.

oo! swat cats! they rule, too. i remember combining all the villain's names and thinking if they took over the city, it'd end up something like, "dark-mad-mega-metalli-swamp-kat" city or something. stupid, but then again back then i beleived that a jet bike, a subterranian vehicle, a monster truck, two pilots, show quality paint job, and a heel of a lot of missles could fit in something that "looked like a mix of the F-14 and F-15."

heheh. i could probably continue on raving about my cartoons from samurai jack back to chip 'n dale, but i'd just be redundant with my point. i duno. try enjoying yourself searching the cartoons YOU enjoyed when you were young or something.

2005-04-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

hey, who IS that guy from "quest 4 cool"? oh, speaking of the quest for cool,

i read this from a while ago. it came from a local magazine called "O'l Skool RODZ." I bought it from when i was vacationing in san fransisco. its a very nice place. nice people. i wish i can live there and hang out with local hot-rodders.... *sigh* that place is great....

Ol' Skool Philosophy Class
By Alan Mayes

"THE PURSUIT OF COOL"

"Whats cool? Would an Olds engine in my '52 Chevy be cool? Is pearl paint cool? Would a '28 Hupmobile make a cool rod? These are th types of questions i see often on our website forums and on others. They are an indication of the seemingly eternal quest to be "cool."
The same questions show up on other websites. Is it cool to chop a Suzuki Intruder 1500? Is it worth it to build a custom out of a Buell? Are narrow whitewall tires or do i need to get wide ones?

Who decides what's cool? It's been an age-old quest, i guess, to be "cool," to fit in, to be popular with one's chosen target group. It's called peer pressure and parents warn their teens not to give in to it while they themselves buckle to it daily. Its keeping up with the joneses. Its forty year old men wearing their backwards and listening to crap.. uh, i mean rap. Its a soccer mom putting ten "My son's an honor student at Whipstitch Middle School." stickers on the bumper sticker of her Escalade.

Remember the TV sitcom, ""Happy Dayz?" That was a casebook study in the pursuit of cool. Fonzie was cool and he and everyone else knew it. Most of the show's episodes revolved around pursuits of, and reactions to, Fonzie- level of coolness. Richi Cuningham knew Fonzie was cool but was wise enough to realize he himself never would be. Ralph Malph sought Fonzie-like coolness with gusto, but never reached it. Pottsie was clueless as to what Fonzie had or why he had it. Richie's dad recognized Fonzie's coolness, and honored it as a wise, older man should. Mrs. Cunningham wouldn't have recognized cool if it hit her upside the head with a hubcap!
The guys who are asking the questions listed above are probably real life versions of Ralph and Pottsie. They want to fit in and be cool. And the answer to all those questions is the same as to the one about the price of a Rolls Royce. "if you have to ask..."

Who in the world determines what's cool? We each do, and it's not the same for everyone. In the world of hot rods or customs, there are many different opinions and who's to say that which is right or wrong? Certainly Boyd Coddington has different opinions about whats cool that Jesse James. It is certainly easy to tell a Hank Young-built motorcylce from one assembled by Orange County Choppers. Yet there are people who think that each of those different styles is the epitome of cool.

So which is right?
To some extent, they all are, because cool is like beauty; it's in the eye of the beholder. I look at a Chip Foose-built car and i can marvel at the flawless craftsmanship, but its not my style of car. to me, its pretty, but not cool. My idea of cool leans more toward the Bo Huff roadster on the cover of OSR#4, a clean '56Mercury, or a mild custom '63 Riviera. I know guys that drool over a Coddington or Foose car, though. To them, that is cool. So what about the questions we opened with? The answer to all of them is yes... or no. If you like it, the answer is yes. You can make something personal and cool out of it.
But if you have to ask, maybe the answer is no. If you have a question about it, perhaps you don't like it well enough for it to be cool to you. In that case, other's opinions matter more than your own.

Let me give some examples. We have shown lots of cars in our Back Fire section that the owners think are cool, but many people might turn uptheir noses at the same car, because to them it isn't col. or at least not cool enough. Take Alex Utria's '39 Hudson inBF#7. To me, that car shouts cool. But there would be some who would turn up their noses because it's not a Ford or Chevy, or because it's in primer, not perfectly finished. Some people think the 1957 Chevy is the coolest car ever built, yet in 1957 Ford sold more cars than Chevrolet did. At least in 1957, Fords were cooler!

Sometimes it's only a matter of body style.. Mercurys from 1949 to 1951 are a perfect exaple of that. Somehow, Mercury coupes from that era havebecome the cool custom car. Some of it is because James Dean drove one in Rebel Without a Cause. Mostly, though, its just because they are great-looking cars. But the four-door version is overlooked by many in search of a mer, even though thay have almost the samelines and thay have the bonus cool factor of suicide rear doors. They are not like the one Dean drove, so they're not cool enough.
Heres a more personal example, my 1959 Edsel. When i was looking for a car, i searched for non-Ford and non-Chevy brands, no because i dislike those cars, but because to me, something different is more appealing. I looked at several 1940s to mid-1960s Packards, Kaisers, Hudsons, Lincolns, Pontiacs, Mercurys, Studebakers, DeSotos, and several other brands, but very few Fords and Chevys.

To me, its cooler to have something different than what everybody else has. Not everyone agrees. In my travels to different rod rund recently, i have run into some of my old rodding buddies from places i used to live. It's fun to watch their facial expresions when i tell them what my latest car is. When i say " '59 Edsel," the reactions range from smiles of acknowledged approval, to rolling of eyes and expressions that say cross between, "sorry, 'bout your luck," "what were you thinking?" and "you are no longer my friend." Some see the value in being different and they love all old cars, while others are car snobs and think that only certain cars that fit into their narrow mold are even worth owning.
Personally, i'm fairly planted in the first category. I drive the car i can (almost) afford, but i appreciate most any old car. I can get excited over a '58 Plymouth, a '29 Bugatti, or a '31 Ford. If i had Jay Leno's job and his money, my collection of cars and bikes would be a little different from his, because is have somewhatdifferent tastes but i like him, i'd drive my cars to work. Even the million dollar ones.

Though i think most of the cars we've featured thus far in Ol' Skool Rodz are cool cars, i haven't loved all of the. And i dont think the types of cars we feature are the only cool ones. But i also dont give a chilli-peppered ass-rip wether anyone agrees with me or not, becauselike i said previously, cool is in the eye of the beholder. Unless someone else wants to pony up some funds for my car,he doesn't get to tell me what to buy or do to it. When picking a car for your first project, pick one that you like. If someone else doesn't like it that probably meansthat it's too cool for him. Do with it what appeals to you. Want to put a flathead straight eight Pontiac engine in a '54 corvette? Do it! OK, even i think thats a little weird,but youget my point. If it makes someone scratch his head, it's just right.

This is especially true of putting offbeat engines in cars. For most rodders with some welding skils, its relatively easy to make mounts fit about any engine and transmission into a given frame. Egge Machine (www.egge.com; 800.866.egge) has the somponents to rebuild almost any American engine you cant hink of, and some you may never have heard of. Bendtsen's Transmissions (www.transmissionadapters.cmo; 763.767.4480) can adapt modern transmissions to many old engines. Look for an upcoming tech article on the latter.
Customizers like Darryl Starbird, Joe Bailon, GeneWinfeild, Ed Roth, and dozens of others made their mark by doing things that the avreage guy on the street didnt think was cool. They became cool to guys like us in the process. Many of you know local guys that do the same without the national recognition. Their stuff is just as cool.

Do what you like. Now that's cool!"

2005-04-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

YOU! OBER DER!
hey,...
how do you afford you rock and roll lifestyle?

Cake
Motorcade of Generosity (1994)
Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle

Well, your CD collection looks shiny and costly.
How much did you pay for your bad Moto Guzi?
And how much did you spend on your black leather jacket?
Is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket?

Now tickets to concerts and drinking at clubs,
Sometimes for music that you haven't even heard of.
And how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt
That proves you were there,
That you heard of them first?

How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
Ah, tell me.

How much did you pay for the chunk of his guitar,
The one he ruthlessly smashed at the end of the show?
And how much will he pay for a brand new guitar,
One which he'll ruthlessly smash at the end of another show?
And how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
As long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones.
And how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
As long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones.

Aging black leather and hospital bills,
Tattoo removal and dozens of pills.
Your liver pays dearly now for youthful magic moments,
But rock on completely with some brand new components.

How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?

Excess ain't rebellion.
You're drinking what they're selling.
Your self-destruction doesn't hurt them.
Your chaos won't convert them.
They're so happy to rebuild it.
You'll never really kill it.
Yeah, excess ain't rebellion.
You're drinking what they're selling.
Excess ain't rebellion.
You're drinking,
You're drinking,
You're drinking what they're selling.

yeah, this song makes a hell of a lot of sense in describing most people.
or not. but the song makes one hell of a point. .. ....
i want to hurt a lot of people.

2005-04-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

*stupid preview*

*black screen*
*font appears(no sound)*
"YOU ARE WALKING BACK TO SCHOOL..."
*font fades to black*
*black fades to photo*
*screen appears for one second*
*photo1*
*fades to black again*
*font ghosts*
"BUT THEN"
*start suspense music*
"tendent.. tendent.. tendendendendenden-"
*slowly fade to screen 2*
*photo2*
*frame lasts just a second then fade to black*
*text appears again*
"YOU LOOK CLOSER"
*fade to screen 3*
*photo3*
*fade to black*
*bloody font writes on screen*
"AND THEN YOU REALIZE"
*suspense music climaxes*
*photo1 throbs on screen for 3 seconds while suspense music climaxes*
"twink-twnik-twink-twink-twink *scream*"
*all fades to black*
*small caption ghosts:*
"the Bushjoakd manila amience and other phonecam stories....*
*font flips to reveal new text*
"coming soon...."
*fade to black

-end of stupid preview

2005-04-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

a late wakeup, then *BAM!* my first mp3 downloads. ever.

*listening to fresh downlaods*
woke up late today. went to get some food and eat in front of the tv to watch MTV Ask where they were featuring The Radioactive Sago Project . still groggy i finished eating my small meal and continued to lie down on two sofas side by side while the tv is still running. half paying atention to the tv and half appreciating the hand rests bending my spine in another direction than usual. its almost strange. they way i perceived the band, they acted very similarly to some of my friends. though older and apparently more intellectual, y'know, i could easily see my friends growing up to be those guys. in fact, it was sort of simalr to a conversation i'd hear when i hang out at my friend's place. and from what few i could experience from them, i can already confidenly say that they are some awesome people. they are humble, intellectual, lazy (you gota have lazy.), and are one of the underdogs in the current music industry. but when you hear their music, and they have a very unique taste. some talent to pull of something so weird, so absurd, and yet get artistic recognition for it. also, from seeing how they react and answer the questions in the show, as well as how they write songs and news on their site, im reminded of a particular friend over at to*clears throat* *cough*cough*torperdohairstyler*cough*cough*. you know? so much talent. so much creativity and artisrty. yet they are supressed by how well or rather, poorly, the people receive them. saying stuff like "we suck" or sulking in their failed efforts to please. downing themselves.. the way i see it, you guys shouldnt think of stuff like that. dont do it for the people. screw the people. do stuff. make stuff. the people like it? great! if they dont, then who cares. move on. at least you made stuff that YOU like. who knows, someone might find it and turn it into a hit. or not. just dont be limited. dont give a dog's leg about what the people might say. there will always be some who have the same tastes as you. by reaching that five or so people already makes it a succes. what more if you reach hundreds? or millions? eh, you get my point.
*downlaods Huwag Kang Maingay May Naglalaba, Astro ,Gin Pomelo ,Bird of Prey ,Ballad of Balangiga *

2005-04-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

heh. all my posts-to be were deleted during the time i left my computer in the shop, so it might take a while to come up with new ones and good ones to replace the deleted. anyways, i stole some online quiz thingies from prankoys' garden of kadesh
contrary to beleif, these things are getting to be pretty accurate. at least for the most part.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.
You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.
An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.
Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.

You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are a Traveler Soul

You're a thrill seeker who loves to be active and on the move
You love to wander: between places, ideas, and people.
A good communicator, you're a nonconformist and interested in the world.
You are an explorer, a good storyteller, and a true dreamer.

Because you're always on the move, you can be a bit fickle.
It's difficult for you to make personal commitments.
Don't be so quick to ignore emotional issues and problems.
You're much more intuitive and psychic than you think.

Souls you are most compatible with: Retrospective Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are the Loyalist

6

You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.

People find you easy to love and care for.

You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.

You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.

What number are you?

2005-04-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

SUMMER, SUMMER!

Hey, did anyone notice how nice the weathers been these days? the sun is shining almost too brightly and it SHOULD be that the outside temp. is about 40 degs, or something, but thats not happening since the wind is too strong. walking to a friends house feels like a walk on the shore. instantly forcing me into a daydream. once inside my friends place, friends are already there, hanging out, just chilling to some oldies from an old radio. another one is fabricating airsoft guns with some brand spanking new tools and materials. You look to the left and the sun is shining on a hammock reminding you that its there in case you want to just lie down and let the wind cradle you while you think. You look beside that and theres a little hermit crab adopted straight from the beach by my friend's sister. Look north and theres the garage containing a very clean '98 pajero. no puddles to dirty it. And to the right, a freshly replaced basketball court with a pond ready for some fish. so after making an ammo box for B.B.s out of an old christmas light box and helping my friend fabricate some parts for a new gun, we were off to buy some fish for the pond. we set off to buy just around a hundred bux worth of swordtails, fighting fish, janitor fish and other feeders. o bought some, too for the now empty aquarium (transferred the old tenants to a fountain near the sala). theyre great. makes perfect pets and pond fillers. We went home afterwards and put them in the pond. then we just sat there for a while talking. then back to hanging out, eating, sound tripping, customizing guns...
i mean, is it just me, or does summer just make everything great? hell, i dont even mind my problems at all! like they dont matter. everything is a-o-kay. *sigh* summer is great. *screams at the top of his lungs* :*#SUMMER IS GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAT!!!!!#*:

2005-04-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

Cont:

Ok, so many of you have read the previous post. Youre probably thinking in the lines anywhere from "this guy is hopeless" to "this is such bull" to "he needs guidance. he needs to go out more." to "he needs guidance. he needs to GOD." or any other such reactions. lemme tell you this thouugh. Dont Get Me Wrong. i know i wrote all that stuff. and i really do think of all that sometimes, but not always. It might have been the Finals that caused a deeper thought into that 'subject', but then again it pops up most of the time in questioning a hell of a lot of stuff. life, love, religion, sociality, or whatever. you just cant help but think that way. and afterwards, you usualy feel depressed. and feeling depressed induces more thought into it. "its a vicious cycle." and the more you think about it, the more you get stuck into thinking that it is right. you try to argue, and you lose to the fact that it points that way. after all, it is a fact. its going to be hard to get out of that state of mind, but there is a way. put yourself in another person. think of it like you make a copy of yourself. then put yourself into the copy, then pretend youre a different person. wow, yeah, i meant put yourself in a different person basically. feel a different state of mind. neutral is good, but better if youre happy, or both. more points of view so you can look at yourself. yeah. look at your original. you know what he's thinking, you know how he feels. yet yo dont want to follow his thought because youre in a different mood. and THOUGH he has a point, you dont listen. because youre not in the mood. basically, youre denying the facts. and convincing yourself that its not real. denial is a way. its stupid. its a defense mechanism. its your primal futile urge to accept something because that Thing isnt important and will most likely not cause better conditions. so you throw it away. initially because its a nice defense mechanism. but you know thats not true. theres not much satisfaction in simply doing that. you really do that because, and this is true for most people, you also have this urge. and urge inside you to push on. you feel hope inside you even though its in its most minute, its enough to get you going. for that other day. the other week. then next twenty years. because it does exist and you have it to listen to when youre down. listen to it when youre down. it makes a lot of sense.

2005-03-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

(during a late night thinking session)
*note: the statements are not final and needs another post to clear out.
update: continuation is on the next post already.

Heh. well, this sucks. the latest posts are such a waste of time. how am i going to get back to
writing better stuff or at least the sort of stuff that i used to write, anyway. im still thinking of tearing the blog down again. but somehow theres that small attatchment to writing stuff that just gets some stuff off your head and liking the way people knowing you more for the better or not. tried to determine what a blog is, actually. is it just a journal? should i treat it like a journal? but its like a website, too. very limited options, but lots of loopholes, too. if its a journal, how do i write? should i snug off the thought of other people's reactions, or should i keep some stuff taboo? what is taboo? when i want to write about my acheivements, do i have the rights to do so? how do i make it sound good, but humble? should i inform people that im not bragging when i do those? do i write for the people who read my blog? if i do, how do i make it better for them? i dont know. .. i dont know. just some questions, but its seriously making me irate. i dont know where im heading in my life. i have so so many ideas in my head, so many things that i can and want to do, but have no time, resources, or will to do it. its so hard to find motivation to do the things i like even when i have the time. if thats how it is for those things, can you imagine how hard it is to find some for academic activities? i mean, i like college and all. some interesting stuff to do, some uninteresting stuff on the side, new experiences, but its all the same. all the same. repetition upon repetition. noones saying anything new anymore. nothing is unpredictable, i dont know why, but sometimes i feel ive either seen it, or thought of it before. almost nothings an exception. nothing is new. nothing is original. not necessarily true, but then again, the way you experience things is interconnected with learning. and learning is not new. yes, learning isnt new. noone likes old things except for nostalgia. how can you perform, how can you at least live if nothing is interesting anymore? youre just being a robot. doing things for the grade. getting the grade to please the parents and to supposedly secure a future. yeah, a future. if you do well in school, it will show, and it will give you an edge over others so you can get a great job. -but- does it really matter? humanity today is so vast that in just one city, there are twenty different people who look almost exactly like you. and guess what. more likely is that some of them are better than you. yeah, better than you. not only did he get the better physical features, but he also didnt get the inferior skin. the wrapping that most scrutinize and discriminate the type of person that you are. so the others are physically better than you, but can they... say.. play a game better than you? chances are that they cant, but chances are they can beat you in everything else. theres an unwritten law now. whatever you decide to do, however much you strive, ther will always, always be someone better than you. if youre good enough to be second, look out since nuber three is out to get you. and will eclipse you. then you will lose. again. unless you do something about it. and strive for more. compete for that place. compete. it is that factor that most other people know that betters things. competition between brands create better products and deals for the masses of people. competition between people create better people. and persons. and when a person is better he is liked more by the people. social stature, social respect, self respect, better finance, trophy wife, possibly a trophy offspring to match, and a future for them. what we all strive for. what we have in our genes that pretty much says that that is the meaning of life. the goal that we all like to acheive. the point to all of this commulative effort. the commulative effort that can destroy whole armies and societies and worlds. what if though... the question of how it came to aside, what if you dont care. the importance of others or other people in general, social stature, social respect, and include that lifetime partner along with the children. what if you dont care? liberated from primitive urges to socialize and spawn. from the basics i listed, youre left with self respect, better finance, and nothing more. living your life alone. not giving a damn about others and what they think. finding nothing new. better finance and earning more than enough for yourself. earning. working. again and again. like a robot. losing self respect as you do so. maybe changing your mind by the time you cant make a difference anymore. maybe. maybe straight to dying. then there wouldnt ba a point to your life. my dilemma exactly. i dont care much about others. what they think, what i do to them, if they respect me or not. i dont necessarily need others. i need them to live. but them if i am going to be the man i mentioned earlier, not having passion and motivation, not having interest in this old predictable, common, linear, generic world, then i dont need others since i dont need to live. nothing to get me going, nothing to offer, and is easily replacable by almost the same thing or something better.
no point.

2005-03-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, this isnt working. too much to do at school and no more time and energy to make any good posts. add to that my comp's broken... its just too... much work to continue. for now....

2005-01-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to wish everybody happy christmas and merry new year. i wasnt able to finish this thing befoire the start of the vacation and i had to leave for an out of town thing with family. will build up the blog soon enough with help from friends.
*ultimate shrug*

2004-12-15T01:40:00.000-08:00

Thinking of rebuilding this blog. might be pretty soon. hope i can.

2004-05-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

UNDER RECONSTRUCTIVE SUREGERY. Powered by: Procrastination Inc. "we procrastinate."

due to no apparent demand, *Bushjoakd* (http://www.bushjoakd.blogspot.com) has been torn down to make room for a new blog. said blog is said to be "fantastically stupid" - author, "unoriginal." - author, and "plain ordinary." - author.
we are not sorry for the inconvenience. we hope you encounter a giant three headed monkey soon!